James Bond is a Raging Alcoholic, According To New Study

Turns out he’s got a “License to Swill.”

James Bond isn’t just the world’s most famous fictional super spy…he’s also a total drunk.

According to a tongue-in-cheek new study aptly titled “License to Swill,” researchers from the University of Otago in New Zealand concluded that, based on the number of drinks he has per movie, 007 has a serious drinking problem and should definitely seek help.

“There is strong and consistent evidence that James Bond has a chronic alcohol consumption problem at the ‘severe’ end of the spectrum,” the scientists wrote in the paper, published in the Medical Journal of Australia. 

In other words, he’s a total boozehound. 

To come to this extremely important conclusion, the researchers supposedly studied 24 Bond movies and found that he’s drank “heavily and consistently over six decades,” with 109 drinks total, and an average of 4.5 drinks per movie.

But apparently, the cinematic secret agent made his booziest appearance in 2008’s Quantum of Solace where he polished off six Vesper Martinis. This equals 24 units of alcohol which would put his blood alcohol level (BAC) at an estimated .36 percent. This, my friends, is a fatal amount.

Furthermore, the scientists state that in one particular Bond book, he apparently drinks 50 units of alcohol — “a level of consumption which would kill nearly everyone.” 

But clearly, 007 makes those martinis his bitch, because he literally never dies. 

“Chronic risks include frequently drinking prior to fights, driving vehicles (including in chases), high stakes gambling, operating complex machinery or devices, contact with dangerous animals, extreme athletic performance and sex with enemies, sometimes with guns or knives in the bed,” lead author Professor Nick Wilson said.

“Other notable features include a medical scan that showed his liver was ‘not too good’ and a MI6 report on Bond that stated, ‘alcohol and substance addiction indicated’.”

Anyway, a previous study on the same subject matter published in the British Medical Journal says that there’s also a reason why 007 is obsessed with his martinis being shaken and not stirred: 

“Bond was unlikely to be able to stir his drinks, even if he would have wanted to, because of likely alcohol induced tremor.”

Oh, man. But wait — how does he aim his gun then?

Lastly, an infographic from Buddy Loans from 2015 revealed that over 23 films, Bond drank 277 units of alcohol, and when converted to BAC, puts him at a lethal level of 3.7 percent. And when I say lethal, a BAC that high is enough to kill him seven times.

But guess what? This is James Fucking Bond, and he can drink a swimming pool of booze and still be fine.