What Happens When You Screw With J.J. Watt in His Locker Room

Pro tip: Make sure you’re getting paid for the trouble.

What would happen if, just as one of the NFL’s most talented players was mentally preparing for a game, you sprayed water in his face and smashed a guitar against his locker? Let’s look at two ways this could go.

Option #1: You’re good, because it’s a commercial


A new Bose commercial will debut on NFL broadcasts this Sunday, with just such a scenario: Zac Brown is standing in front of J.J. Watt, yelling. “Are you ready for this?” Brown says. He sprays water in Watt’s face. He smashes a guitar against the locker. And then, snap—turns out that Brown’s not there at all. He’s just coming out of the speaker sitting on Watt’s locker. It’s another very solid paycheck for Watt, who’s already in commercials for Verizon and American Family Insurance, and is sponsored by Reebok.

Option #2: J.J. Watt destroys your face

Let’s work this out. Zac Brown is 5’9″, according to the very particularly focused website Celebrity Heights. And as you might remember from this video, J.J. Watt can jump 61 inches from a standing position.


This human proportion calculator says that a 5’9″ man’s head should be about 8.8 inches. So, Watt can jump 5’1″. The bottom of Brown’s chin is at 5’04”. So, should this be reality and not a TV commercial, Watt could have jumped up and kicked Brown, ooooh, right about….

Don’t try this at home.