John Calipari Straps Heart Monitors to His Players to See if They’re Giving Enough

And thus, cements his place as the worst.

And thus, cements his place as the worst.


When Kentucky basketball tyrant John Calipari asks his players to put all of their heart into the game, he means it literally. The controversial coach recently published an article on, a site we would link to if we weren’t so afraid that you would go there. (And just in case you are worried about being duped by the innumerable imitations, you can rest easy knowing this is “The only officially sanctioned and endorsed website for Kentucky Coach John Calipari.”)

The article details a system he has recently put in place that requires his players to be strapped with heart monitors and diodes during practice in order to determine whether they are “trying hard enough.”

From the article:

“For the last few weeks, Rock Oliver has been sitting in front of the computer for every practice and workout so he can monitor our players’ heart rates and exertion levels in real time. […] If I think the rates are too low – if we are in the 70s or 80s – we get on the baseline and we run to get them back in the 90s.”

Firstly, we aren’t going to pretend we know “Rock Oliver” and what his credentials are, but with a name like that we’re going to guess he doesn’t have a doctorate under his belt. More than that, heart rate is generally not the best measure of a player’s will and exertion. As he becomes conditioned, his heart rate will stay lower through maximum exertion. 

Not that any of that matters to Calipari; being a shithead is more valuable to him than the actual merits of any system. Go (possibly to the emergency room) UK!

Spike Lee hail Bernard King.

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