Kick Ass Kosher-Style with Krav Maga

Let the Isreali Defense Forces help you turn an attacker into a whining pile of human waste.

Few fighting techniques are more scarily effective than Krav Maga, the Israeli Defense Forces’ homegrown hybrid of straight-up “kill” blows and defensive martial arts moves. Recently, a crop of Krav Maga schools have opened up across the country, but unless your sensai is certified by the Krav Maga Federation, he’s about as legit as a rabbi at a rib shack. Rhon Mizrachi, Krav Maga instructor and former IDF paratrooper, gave us a dose of the real deal.

Pummel a Pickpocket

1. If someone behind you gets too familiar with the junk in your trunk, pivot quickly so you are now facing his side or back, Mizrachi advises. If you’re not carrying a wallet and are just looking good, take him to dinner.

2. Deliver a vicious right kick to the back or side of his knee. Make sure to strike with the ball of your foot for maximum pain. Extra points for yelling, “Now I am the master!” at the same time you give him the boot.

3. This should drive him at least partially to the ground to regain his balance and/or cry. “The minute he’s down, walk away,” says Mizrachi. “You’re a winner when he can’t fight anymore.” Why, yes, you are!

Pound a Pugilist

1.If he gets into a boxing stance with his hands up, let him throw the first punch. Pivot and deflect his puny blow away from your body. You should have the advantage now, tough guy.

2. The momentum of the deflection should turn your attacker so that his side or back is now facing you. Now deliver a couple of well-placed kidney shots directly into his lower back. Isn’t this fun?

3. Throw a right knee into the same spot you just punched. Now leave before the police show up. As Mizrachi says, “Killing is easy. Developing the skill to have the choice is hard.” Well said, Mr. Miyagi!