Dumb Lakers fans with way too much money will have an exciting new way to piss away their fortunes next week as the team makes available a bunch of gaudy memorabilia honoring Kobe Bryant, who’ll play his last home game in a Lakers uniform on April 13.
Just look at this shit.
Of the four items that cost more than $1,000, this “lambskin jacket with snakeskin leather accents” is cheapest at $5,824. Thankfully, there are only 24 of these eye sores available, each sporting five gold leather Larry O'Brien trophies and crystal-covered silhouette of Kobe dunking.
This diamond cover lapel pin isn’t as gaudy as that jacket, but it has far less utility and at $12,424.08, it’s more than twice the price. Also, good luck finding a suit to wear it with.
At $24,008.24, this purple cashmere hat is the price of a tiny house. But unlike a tiny house, it won't help you get on HGTV.
Finally, the most outrageous cash grab in this collection is a $38,248.08 black leather hat with a snakeskin visor, 18 karat gold “24” on the front and, in anticipation of his inevitable purchase, Jack Nicholson's name scribbled in Sharpie on the tag.