The Lakers Are Trying to Sell Their Richest, Dumbest Fans a $38,000 Hat Honoring Kobe Bryant

There’s an ugly jacket too.

Dumb Lakers fans with way too much money will have an exciting new way to piss away their fortunes next week as the team makes available a bunch of gaudy memorabilia honoring Kobe Bryant, who’ll play his last home game in a Lakers uniform on April 13.

Just look at this shit.

Of the four items that cost more than $1,000, this “lambskin jacket with snakeskin leather accents” is cheapest at $5,824. Thankfully, there are only 24 of these eye sores available, each sporting five gold leather Larry O’Brien trophies and crystal-covered silhouette of Kobe dunking. 

This diamond cover lapel pin isn’t as gaudy as that jacket, but it has far less utility and at $12,424.08, it’s more than twice the price. Also, good luck finding a suit to wear it with.

At $24,008.24, this purple cashmere hat is the price of a tiny house. But unlike a tiny house, it won’t help you get on HGTV.

Finally, the most outrageous cash grab in this collection is a $38,248.08 black leather hat with a snakeskin visor, 18 karat gold “24” on the front and, in anticipation of his inevitable purchase, Jack Nicholson’s name scribbled in Sharpie on the tag.