Former Major Leaguer Lenny Dykstra Says He Is Now a Male Prostitute

“Nails” told Howard Stern that he has been nailing women for money.

In the 20 years since his playing career ended, former Major Leaguer Lenny Dykstra has found his true calling: Running his mouth about the outrageous shit he does.

In the past few years he’s copped to eating HGH in his cereal and blackmailing umpires to get more favorable calls at the plate, both of which are right in line with his long history of acting like a damn fool

But now, there’s something new. It comes from a publicity tour he’s doing for his new memoir House of Nails: A Memoir of Life on the Edge. Appearing on Howard Stern’s radio show on Tuesday, Dykstra said he has a “few clients” in Beverly Hills. Yes, Nails nails women for money. 

“You’re talking grandmas. You’re talking about a fucking gray bush, bro,” he told Stern. Dykstra insisted that it’s just his presence he’s getting paid for. “You don’t have to fuck them. Their bones are brittle.”

But later in the conversation he revealed the not-so-hard truth. “It’s not like missionary fucking, pounding. It’s just more of a gentle…” he trailed off.

At least, according to Dykstra, these ladies are getting what they pay for. As he told Stern, when it comes to sex, “I’m like Picasso.”