Let Humping Tortoises Hump

Can you imagine if a Giant Tortoise interrupted your mating routine?

Courtesy is not unattainable. Offer your seat up on the subway, tip your waiters, and do not—for the love of God—interrupt two giant tortoises when they are mating. Do not do it. Do you have any conception of what it is like attempt copulation when a single thrust takes two minutes? Can you imagine how hard it is to sustain the mood when both partners look like esteemed British character actor John Donovan? And what monster breaks apart a meet-cute between two lumbering, prehistoric beasts just before they mash their hard keratin lips? The culprit’s name is Paul Rose, he is a British expedition leader and he deserved every heart-pounding moment of the chase that erupted after he poked his nose where it didn’t belong (a tortoise boudoir). Watch an angry, aroused and interrupted male tortoise lumber menacingly after a feckless, insensitive Brit and be stirred. We are irate, and our heart goes out to the happy, horny couple. Humans are such boner killers.  

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