March Madness: Infamous Alum

All schools revel in their famous alumni. Harvard had Roosevelt, Kennedy and Zuckerberg, Columbia has Obama, Yale has the Bushes, Georgetown has Clinton. But those schools ain’t got nuthin’ on the teams in the Elite Eight.

All schools revel in their famous alumni. Harvard had Roosevelt, Kennedy and Zuckerberg, Columbia has Obama, Yale has the Bushes, Georgetown has Clinton. But those schools ain’t got nuthin’ on the teams in the Elite Eight.

Kentucky¿
Jim Leyritz
The former Wildcat and MLB catcher secured his place in Yankees lore by drilling a Mark Wohlers pitch into the night sky, helping the Bombers to the World Series title in 1996. He did even more damage post-baseball, when he committed vehicular manslaughter while driving drunk in 2007.

North Carolina
John Edwards
Things were looking so good for awhile: son of a mill-worker goes to UNC law school (meets the girl of his dreams) goes on to earn millions as a lawyer, and becomes a rising star in national politics. Then it all came crashing down when the girl of his dreams gets cancer, he cheats on her, and then fathers an out-of-wedlock child with his mistress.

Arizona¿
Geraldo Rivera
The extravagantly mustachioed newsman played varsity lacrosse for the Wildcats, graduating in 1961. Highlights of his illustrious post-college career include not discovering Al Capone’s vault, claiming to be at the scene of a friendly fire incident in Afghanistan (he was 300 miles away) and bone-headedly revealing the location of the 101st Airborne Division, with whom he was embedded.

Connecticut¿
Bob Kaufman
Everyone region of this fair land has those businesses who carpet bomb our collective consciousness with super-cheesy commercials. Well, in the northeast it’s this former Husky, a Twerpy R. Crumb clone whose Bob’s Discount Furniture ads are ine-fucking-scapable.

Kansas
Joseph W. Kennedy
He may have been a nerdy chemist, but this Jawhawk alumn is also one of the most important figures in the history of heavy metal. How heavy? Dude discovered motherfucking PLUTONIUM! That’s the heaviest metal of them all. It’s also highly radioactive, which may explain why Kennedy died of cancer at age 40. But still…METAL!

VCU
Patch Adams
Yes, he’s a real guy. The Robin Williams flick of the same name was so sickly sweet that you’d think it was dreamt up by Strawberry Shortcake and Willy Wonka, but no, “Patch” actually existed, actually did pre-med at VCU actually practiced medicine, and actually dressed like a clown (no doubt terrifying thousands of already sick children. Monster!)

Butler
Jim Jones
Given everything that went down in Jonestown (you know that whole mass suicide thing) what do you want to bet this Butler alum was the dude who spiked the punch at his frat parties? Except instead of booze or acid, he spiked it with Cyanide! Actually, we’d have probably heard if something like that went down.

Florida
Bob Vila
Without the belovedly bearded host of This Old House there would be no Ty Pennington or Tim Allen. But we can forgive him, because how awesome would it have been to have him in your frat house? That would be killer! He could turn the basement into like, a bowling alley! And the attic into a bar! And the closet into a really, really awesome closet!