Miami Scandal Sports Rant

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about the University of Miami booster scandal (among others) and predictions for the Giants vs. Bears game. 

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about the University of Miami booster scandal (among others) and predictions for the Giants vs. Bears game. 

maxim: Why is the University of Miami booster scandal story such a big deal in the news? Is it remotely surprising to anyone?

Bigdaddydrew: No.

I think it’s getting a lot of play because A) HOOKERS! and B) Yahoo pretty much mined every possible detail, so much so that other journalists were like OMG! LOOK AT HOW MUCH WORK THEY DID! YOU SEE HOW RELEVANT JOURNALISM CAN BE?

My colleague Tommy Craggs got into a fight with the writer of that article.

Because Tommy’s stance was like, “This is scandal porn. It doesn’t really change anything. All it does is make people think that the NCAA needs even MORE rules.”

But the Yahoo writer (Charles Robinson) was like, “What am I supposed to do? Not report it?”

And they’re both right.

It just kind of adds to the running joke.

maxim: True. Do you think giving players stipends would solve anything? Are guys who are used to getting free cars gonna be satisfied with $300 a week?

Bigdaddydrew: No, that wouldn’t work.

Because most of these schools lose money anyway.

The only way the system would really work is if colleges and football essentially divorced, and teams were set up as professional clubs that maybe had some tie to the university but dispensed with having players as “students.”

Like, consider this:

The Hershey corporation every year gives a percent of its profits to the Milton Hershey foundation, which runs a school for disadvantaged kids.

The two entities are affiliated, but are otherwise totally divorced from one another.

And that’s how college football needs to be.

You have a Crimson Tide football club, but it’s run as a for-profit entity.

Teams that don’t profit fold.

But none of this would EVER happen.

Ever ever ever.

maxim: Not a chance. Which means, yeah, with all of the attention on these scandals lately, the NCAA will establish a bunch of new rules to look like they’re addressing the situation, and shady business will still go on.

And no university official beyond a coach or maybe an AD will ever be held responsible for anything.

Bigdaddydrew: Nope.

It’s so entrenched in the landscape that the corruption is just a daily reality.

Not much else you can do.

I don’t mind.

I do mind people who really do think that college football should be some kind of pristine sport. People who are genuinely outraged at something like this. Are you fucking eight years old?

maxim: It is monumentally stupid. You can’t have anything generate that much money and not expect that various individuals involved will try to profit from it, too.

Bigdaddydrew: Right.

It’s like the government. It’s too big and too fucked to ever be changed.

maxim: On a related note: Why does Terrelle Pryor have to sit out five games for something that happened while he was in college? Has that happened before?

Bigdaddydrew: Was Chris Webber suspended by the NBA after his Michigan scandal broke?

I think he was.


Which is also idiotic.

But Pryor’s won’t matter because no one will play him those five games.

Which is why I don’t think he appealed.

maxim: Right, good point. It’s still moronic for the NFL to pretend that they care about him getting free tattoos a year ago or whatever the hell.

Moving on: NFL preseason, yeah! I’m getting a little tired of watching these herky-jerky preseason games, but…Who’s impressed you so far–individual players and/or teams?

Bigdaddydrew: Well, Plax of course.

After him and Vick, going to prison will be the hottest way to train.

maxim: Do you think they’re just freaks of nature? I mean Vick obviously is–all these guys are. But Plax did look pretty good. How is someone that tall and gangly and that quick?

Bigdaddydrew: They’re both incredibly gifted.

And both got out of prison without too much mileage on them.

It’s amazing how much better wideouts age than running backs.

You can play fifteen years at wideout.

After five years at RB, you’re DONE.

maxim: Which makes Tiki Barber’s attempted comeback all the more improbable. Or useless.

Bigdaddydrew: Right.

He’s playing the exact wrong position.

maxim: I was somewhat surprised by Tony Romo. I had all but forgotten about the idea of taking that guy seriously as an athlete. He looked pretty OK!

Bigdaddydrew: He’s good!

He’s always been good.

And incredibly efficient.

He’s the most efficient QB in Cowboys history, which is nutty.

But people tend to get distracted by, you know, Romo being Romo.

maxim: Predictions for Giants-Bears tonight?

(Eli throws over someone’s head, slumps his shoulders…)

Bigdaddydrew: Well, I’ve been told that Jay Cutler isn’t as fat.

But still mopey.

So I look forward to some skinny moping.

maxim: I’m meeting Rafael Nadal tomorrow. Anything you think I should tell him?

Bigdaddydrew: Won’t you be too busy screaming like a little girl?

maxim: Eh… Long-haired Spaniards, not my thing. I will be with executive editor Dan Bova, though. I think he’s hand-painting an “I heart Rafa” sign right now.

Bigdaddydrew: A woman who doesn’t like Rafa?

That’s like when some asshole on the web starts going on about how Marisa Miller “isn’t that hot.”

maxim: Alright, I’ll re-evaluate in person. Maybe I’ll find him hot and you can give me my lady-license back.

Bigdaddydrew: For real.

I’D hook up with Rafa.

maxim: I’ll let him know he has a fan!