Michael Jordan’s $29 Million House – and Everything In It – Is For Sale

Including these three completely insane components.


Michael Jordan, who apparently is some sort of basketball player or something, has put his palatial 56,000 square foot home outside of Chicago on the auction block, and on November 22nd, it could be yours (if you are crazy rich). The auction will include everything in the house – because who needs that shit? – as well as the built-in aquarium, tennis court, PGA putting green, guest house, walk-in humidor, full-size NBA basketball court, 500+ wine bottle cellar, and much more. Most notably:

1. MJ’s estate features nine bedrooms (although it’s probably capable of sleeping all the way up to a mid-sized cult) but for some reason it has 19 bathrooms. There are literally more than double the amount of places to hit the head than there are places to lay your head. If you had a couple sleeping in each bedroom, every single person could have their own bathroom, and there would still be one left over. Maybe for the dog?

2. There are 15 parking spots around the property, which is no surprise – rich people like cars. But MJ liked to take things to the next level, and that’s why these spots are heated. That’s right, nobody got cold in the long Chicago winters, not even the cars that we like to imagine Jordan named after each of his teammates (the lemon that didn’t get one of the heated spots was obviously called “Craig Hodges”).

3. In the above video, the real estate agent (or luxury listing operator – whatever bogus title they give people who list insanely expensive houses) talks about this dinner table with such nonchalance that you almost miss the fact that Michael Jordan was eating his dinner on a table that was a three-dimensional map of Baghdad. This is not followed by an explanation or a chuckle, as if it’s the most insane thing on the planet (it is). We were also at a loss to find any sort of explanation elsewhere, but you know, maybe it’s better that way.