Monday Morning Sports Rant: April 18, 2011

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about this weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about this weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

maxim: So, uh…Knicks-Celtics! I bet that was exciting for people who watched it.

bigdaddydrew: I watched it.

I watched the whole horrible end.

Because I can never get enough of Carmelo Anthony jacking up ill-advised three pointers.

“Say, Amare has had a stellar game. Let’s try shooting as poorly as Butler for the final minute!”

maxim: Alright, so what were your biggest surprises from the weekend?

bigdaddydrew: Well, obviously the Lakers and Spurs losing.

I can see David Stern watching the Lakers lose that first game and ordering an emergency hit on Rudy Gay.

“Uh… too bad that first round series are now best of NINE games! Effective immediately!”

maxim: But the Lakers will be fine ultimately…won’t they?

Losing to the Grizzlies on your home court, on the other hand, that seems…demoralizing.

bigdaddydrew: Indeed it does.

But yes, they’ll be fine.

Especially once Stern orders the refs to distract the Grizzlies with laser pointers.

Seriously though, that Knicks ending was just so painful to watch.

maxim: It’s like some kind of institutional memory creeps in and destroys them mentally just when they’re on the verge of actual success.

I like Melo after the game saying “they didn’t do nothing special.”

Well, kinda…

bigdaddydrew: And he did nothing specialer.

“You think you can do nothing? Well, I can REALLY do jack shit.”

/tosses up massive brick

And that was clearly their best chance

They’re getting swept now.

maxim: You think so? Not even one lousy fuck-with-Knicks-fans’-heads win?

bigdaddydrew: Maybe one.

But that’s about it.

Because surely Amare was in the locker room afterwards going, “Really? No one passed me the ball at the end? After I posterized KG twice? What the fuck?”

maxim: Also–to be fair, I didn’t see it, so I don’t know exactly how it went down, but who’s leaving Ray Allen wide open beyond the 3-point line in the last 15 seconds of a game? Not me.

bigdaddydrew: Yeah, it was a bit stupid.

maxim: I’m face-guarding that dude. I’ve seen He Got Game. I know what he’s capable of.

bigdaddydrew: I still think the high point of Ray Allen’s life was being in a three-way with Chasey Lain in that movie.

No way THAT sex scene was simulated.

A penis went inside someone there.

maxim: Exactly, his whole life is defined by threes.

So what are your predictions for the rest of these series?

bigdaddydrew: I’ll take all the top seeds except for Dallas.

I think Portland comes back and beats them.

maxim: Yeah, the Mavs seem like old news to me. That Portland team is cagey.

bigdaddydrew: They should do NBA gambling brackets, by the way.

No reason not to.

I don’t know why the bracket phenomenon hasn’t been used for other playoffs.

You can do it for basketball and football quite easily.

And factor in “number of games” predictions” and an NBA bracket could be a delight.

It could, in fact, actually make me care about the NBA. Did you watch any hockey this weekend? They should have brackets, too! Brackets all around.

bigdaddydrew: I didn’t watch any hockey this weekend

But I do know the league finally got a real TV contract

Which was so very needed.

They’re dying on VS.

maxim: Yeah, I’m not sure why they tried to address the “nobody watches hockey on TV” problem by putting the sport on an obscure channel.

bigdaddydrew: Now all they have to do is hold the games outside.