Monday Morning Sports Rant February 14, 2011

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about this weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

me:  Now we’re cooking with gas!

Drew:  Yay!

me:  So I’m a newbie here – what’s this all about?

Drew:  Well, you say one thing, and then I say another.  And then… MAGIC

But really though, just be like “Hey, Tiger Woods choked again.”  Is he done?

me:  Haha.

Who choked harder, Tiger or Bill Murray?

It was shaping up to be a real Cinderella story

Drew:  But didn’t Murray win?  Though I suppose that isn’t as funny as him losing horribly

me:  Did I? as much as I love Bill Murray, I switched over to basketball

because…you know….golf

Drew:  A quick Google search revealed he won.  I didn’t watch, because pro-ams are stupid.



me:  The one thing I like about a pro-am is seeing Alice Cooper freak out the squares

Drew:  He should show up to the course in a giant egg.

me:  That would be genius

In fact, if the Grammys and the Pebble Beach Pro Am fall on the same date every year, why not combine them?

That way you’d at least get Timberlake to show up

Also…what the fuck was Clay Matthews doing presenting at the Grammys?

at first I thought it was the star of Thor, but nope

Agreed.  By the way, I’m stunned Arcade Fire won best album that night.  Usually, they give that award to someone who was relevant 42 years ago.  “And the Grammy goes to… Phil Collins covering old Nat King Cole songs!”

RE: Matthews.  IT’s the hair.  He has music industry hair

You see that hair and you’re like, well, he’s either a pro wrestler or the lead singer of Puddle of Mudd

me:  He really should be a pro wrestler

Drew:  Kevin Greene moonlighted.  I don’t see why Clay can’t

He may have to once the lockout happens

Did you see they want to reduce the minimum pay for NFL players?  Why not just stab them in the eye while they’re at the table?

me:  So Goodell want to pay them less for playing more?

Drew:  I know!


me:  So you’re saying next season is fucked, right? Is that what we’re getting at?

Drew:  I guess.  God, it’s so horrible.  So irrational.  It’s just like someone like Jerry Jones to ruin something right when its at its best

“Hey, this party is going great!  LET’S CALL THE POLICE!”

me:  It’s true

I wonder if the crooks at the BCS are licking their chops

Drew:  It’s just like “How can you do this?  You’re really doing this?  God, why would you do this?”  I’ll be dumbstruck for the next nine months

Oh and the college thing… they have to play games on Sunday in the fall, right?

I’ll be pissed if they don’t.

me:  Not watching football on Sundays is like living in Soviet Russia

Drew:  No shit.

It would be a good time to go abroad.

Live in London

Drink beer at 9AM in the morning

Say CUNT to people

Could be pleasant

me:  That sounds alright

Is this the worst time of year for sports?

Drew:  I think July and August are worse

me:  but every couple years you get Olympics or World Cup

Drew:  This is true.  Plus golf and tennis pop up

But baseball is the only everyday sport in the summer, and it’s not as fun to me as basketball is

I’d still rather watch a two-hour NBA game than a 4-hour AL game

me:  But I hate the idea of Celts-Lakers again

Drew:  Then stock up on cyanide

Otherwise, it’s Celtics Spurs, which is somehow even worse

me:  snooze

Drew:  And can they just trade Carmelo already?

For shit’s sake, the rumor comes out before anything happens, which prevents anything from EVER happening

me:  Speaking of….what are the chances of Pujols back in St.Louis a year from now?

Drew:  I’d have to consult my friend Will Leitch on that, but he’s too busy drinking Comet and vodka because he’s terrified of Pooholes leaving

me:  But don’t most of the teams that could sign him have first base locked up for years?

Mark Teixeira would be a very expensive DH

 But baseball is flush right now.  When the Brewers can trade for Zach Grienke, it widens the pool quite a bit.

me:  True

By the way, is today Pitchers and Catchers?

Drew:  Eh, who cares

me:  I need something to take my mind of all the Valentine’s Day bullshit

Look for a b-ball player to score 50 tonight

IT always happens

That way, editors can use the Valentine’s Day Massacre headline

me:  Haha

who’s your money on?

Drew:  Does that Mormon kid play tonight?

me:  Jimmer Fredette?

Drew:  Yeah.

If he plays tonight, that’s easy money

me:  Valentines Day could be an expensive proposition for a Mormon

Drew:  Ha!

They’d have to buy those school boxed set valentines


me:  Alright – any final thoughts?

Drew:  I just want everyone to love one another

me:  Go fuck yourself

and Happy Valentines Day!

Drew:  You too