Monday Morning Sports Rant: January 10, 2011

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary, of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber, about the weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary, of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber, about the weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

jbrukman:  I suppose we should discuss how and when Matt Hasselbeck became Joe Montana.

bigdaddydrew:  When his lumbago finally died down thanks to shot of horse tranquilizers. 

It also helps that Roman Harper was awful.

As was the entire Saints D.

But I don’t like people saying Lynch’s run was just a byproduct of how bad the Saints were.  There are plenty of bad defenses in the NFL, but you still don’t see runs like that very often. Beast Mode deserves recognition for that.

Jbrukman: I can’t decide if it’s an awesome thing that a 7-9 team won a playoff game, or an absolutely terrible thing.

bigdaddydrew:  I think it becomes a terrible thing if they end up beating Chicago.

I’m sure the league is like, “Oh, that was cute.  But really, go the fuck away now.”

jbrukman:  Do you think they look at playoff seeding after the Seahawks get home field against the defending Super Bowl champions? I’m not sure how you fix that.

bigdaddydrew:  Well, it’s easy to fix.  You just reseed the playoffs by record, so the Seahawks are a six seed instead of a four.

But I don’t think they’ll bother to look at it unless it happens again.

The league likes its little division titles.  It likes having a division title mean something.  It’s like saying you won the Fight Hunger Bowl.  It’s a banner you can raise.

jbrukman:  I’m sad the chiefs lost. I was really looking forward to a Seattle, Kansas City Super Bowl.

bigdaddydrew:  I was sad they did such a lousy job making a game of it.  I thought after Charles scored the TD it would be a fun game, but then they turned the ball over 17 times and the refs hosed them at every turn and the game was over.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: The Baltimore Ravens are allergic to interesting playoff games.

jbrukman:  But at least we get another week of Ray Lewis blow jobs. Those never get old, or dry.

 Old and dry.  not a good blowjob.

jbrukman: How amazing was the little Kobe Bryant, Michael Vick aside? Like, if rape and dog fighting could bring two guys together, I’m really glad it’s them.

bigdaddydrew:  “I love you!”  “No, I love YOU!”

That’s every meeting between pro athletes.

That’s what Tiger Woods and Roger Federer say all day to one another when they split a vacation at Cap Juluca.

Pro athletes LOVE each other.  It’s disgusting.

jbrukman:  I don’t even know when that happened. I feel like the `90s had a lot of sports hatred, which was nice.

bigdaddydrew:  Agreed.  I don’t mind if athletes are civil to one another, but then they had to go one whole step further and fucking slob each other’s knobs like there’s chilledvodka inside.  TOO FAR!

jbrukman:  Speaking of knob slobbing, when do you think sports reporters begin to acknowledge that Peyton Manning has a problem winning playoff games?

And that’s kind of a big deal.

bigdaddydrew:  They’ll never mention it.  It’s a sickness.  It’s just, “He’s great!” and then they act as if nothing happened.  3rd and 7 and he audibles to Dominic Rhodes.  

Dom fucking Rhodes.


jbrukman:  I liked the Jets new strategy of, “Hey we’re just going to sit in a basic defense and not do shit all game.”

Seemed pretty effective against an over thinking QB.

bigdaddydrew:  Indeed.

“Hey, they can’t do that!  I can’t exploit that!”

Rex Ryan calls that his Keds defense.  Not too exciting, but functional.

jbrukman:  Nice. So I think the real takeaway here, is what truck do you have subliminal desire to purchase? Me, I think it’s the Tundra.

bigdaddydrew:  F150.

I’m told Denis Leary stole his from Bill Hicks.

/cheap shot.