Monday Morning Sports Rant: May 2, 2011

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about this weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about this weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

bigdaddydrew: I can’t believe I missed bin Laden dying last night.


I feel like I missed the goddamn Super Bowl.

maxim: I was just about to ask if you were blasting Toby Keith songs.


I feel the same way! When my alarm went off and I was groggily listening to the news report, I didn’t understand what was happening.




bigdaddydrew: I found out on Twitter.


I was like why is Osama trendin… OH.


Then I did the whitest fist pump ever.


Like Tiger Woods times 10.

maxim: Do you think they’re going to add extra breaks for God Bless America to games now?

bigdaddydrew: God, I hope not.

maxim: You mean, God Bless America you hope not.

bigdaddydrew: I hope this means we can end that practice.


But the killing terrorists thing? Yeah, that can keep going.


Very excited for a special GMC ad celebrating the death:


“On this most patriotic occasion, you can now get 0% financing on all Tahoes.”

maxim: Do you think people are going to dust off their FDNY/NYPD hats?

bigdaddydrew: Probably.


I mean, it takes you back instantly, doesn’t it?


I lived on 1st Ave. back then.


We watched out our window as people covered in dust staggered over the 59th St. bridge


It was… unnatural.


My friend had to move out of his Battery Park apt., so bin Laden kinda owes him a security deposit


Fucker.

maxim: But he could’ve gotten back in at an insanely decreased rent just a year or two later!

bigdaddydrew: I KNOW!


Now that terrorism is over, we can totally go back to being shallow again, yes? And overemphasizing sports? Because I like doing that.


CHRISTIAN PONDER WAS A HEROIC DRAFT PICK.


BRAVE IN THE POCKET.

maxim: Did we really stop doing that?

bigdaddydrew: No, of course not.


But I like that we didn’t.

maxim: I do, too. It showed the terrorists hadn’t won.


Do you think this will end or exacerbate the pre-Super Bowl commercials for America? Where little kids and old people and Muslims and Congressmen each read parts of the Declaration of Independence while 50 bald eagles were released from various national monuments and fighter jets spelled out “America, Fuck Yeah” overhead or whatever?

bigdaddydrew: You’ll see a resurgence of that.


And they’ll probably have DJs laying bits of Obama’s speech over Metallica’s “Don’t Tread On Me,” and that will be unpleasant.


WHAT HATH WE WROUGHT?!

maxim: Meanwhile, how pissed are the Heat?

bigdaddydrew: Por que?

maxim: Osama’s stealing their thunder, man!

bigdaddydrew: I bet Chris Bosh is more than happy to avoid the spotlight.


LeBron’s dunk off the Wade alley-oop last night was…Well, it made up for a lot.




maxim: Yeah. They looked good yesterday. Dare I say, like the team they’re supposed to look like.




bigdaddydrew: And the Celtics looked as old as they did in the first round.


Only with 30% more headbuttiness!

maxim: Yes, they really did.




bigdaddydrew: I disagree with Mark Jackson. It wasn’t so much a head-butt as it was a face-mashing


A forehead kiss.


Zidane’s head-butt was much more decisive.

maxim: How many hands do you need to count the number of people who are PSYCHED about the Grizz-Thunder series?




bigdaddydrew: And the Grizz won Game 1. Stern can’t be pleased about that.


I think people DO want to see the Thunder in the WC finals.


See Durant take the big stage.


Zach Randolph? Not so much.


But hey, credit where credit’s due. They saved us from the Spurs boring us to death again.

maxim: True. There’s only so much diligent passing and solid defense a fan can take.

maxim: Thoughts on the draft?




bigdaddydrew: I thought it was an okay draft.


Had a bit of life sucked out of it by the lockout.


I’m glad Goodell got booed, because he’s a fuck.

maxim: How long do you think before the Panthers have their “uh-oh” moment?

bigdaddydrew: Oh, I think that happened as they were picking him.


Remember, Cam Newton had his plays numbered at Auburn.


There is NOTHING to suggest he can, like, read a defense.


That’s somewhat alarming.

maxim: I saw a few seconds of that little head-to-head they do with Gruden and the college kids on ESPN and it was…astonishing. Gruden was basically like, Give me an example of a play you’d call in college, and Cam was like, “Blue.” or whatever. Then Gruden was like, OK, here’s a play in the NFL, and rattled off like 47 numbers, letters, and words. And Cam was like a deer in headlights.




bigdaddydrew: Oh, I bet.


And this is Carolina’s offense. It’s like, the dumbest of all NFL offenses.


It’s like Lloyd Carr running an NFL offense.


And yet it’ll be like calculus to Newton.

maxim: The good news for Carolina is that I read that Cam was at a post-draft party here in NYC with sunglasses on–inside a club, that is–spraying champagne all over people. So…that’s cool.




bigdaddydrew: That’s cute. He and Vince Young can take sulking classes together.


I think Jerry Richardson assumes the union will get broken and he’ll only have to pay Cam in laptops.