More Songs Penn State Should Ban

“Sweet Caroline” is out. What’s next?

“Sweet Caroline” is out. What’s next?

Photo by Darryl Pitt / Retna| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

While Neil Diamond’s sing-a-long classic “Sweet Caroline” does have that odd “Touching Me/Touching You” lyric, does that mean it’s inappropriate for the Penn State Stadium? Yep. After the Sandusky sex scandal rocked Beaver Stadium and all of college football, suddenly even boring Neil Diamond needs to be reevaluated for content. And so it got the boot.

While Penn State musical directors scramble to find just the right song to add pep, here are some tunes to avoid.

“Push It” by Salt-n-Pepa

Did you know this song is about sex and not about a broken down Volkswagen?! Shocking. While the song isn’t used much (or at all) in football stadiums, let’s make a preemptive strike against this and all other songs that include the lyrics “Ahhhh-Shhhhhh.”

“Start Me Up” by The Rolling Stones

What could be wrong with a classic rock song? Nothing…until Mick informs us, “You’d make a grown man cry.” And then the PSU crowd would stop singing and just look at their shoes awkwardly as they wait for someone to change the subject.

“Rock’n Roll Part 2” by Gary Glitter

For a while, this song accompanied sporting events like “Auld Lang Syne” accompanies New Years Eve. And then Glitter was arrested on child pornography charges…and later was arrested in Vietnam for allegedly having sex with underage girls. Suddenly, the song lost its ability to rally a crowd. The NFL no longer allows the song, or any cover version of it, to be played during the Super Bowl. Though it’s still a great one to choose at Karaoke night, if you’re lazy or too drunk to sing.

“Chariots of Fire” by Vangelis

The emotional, electronic sound could be used to help boost the spirits of any team. But if you listen closely, you can tell that this wordless instrumental tune is filthy and conjures up images of sex orgies and bondage. Or maybe that’s just us. No. No it’s not.

“Gonna Fly Now (The Rocky Theme)” by Bill Conti

This song would make sense at Beaver Stadium since Rocky and PSU share the same state. However, while the song isn’t dirty or suggestive, it should be banned because it gives too much hope to the underdog. Sorry, kids. You can’t all be Rocky. Besides, Rocky lost. Go with a song about a winner instead. Like the theme to Golden Girls. That’s just cheery. Wait…hold on. We just listened to the lyrics again. It could be dirty. Better avoid it, confidant.