The Most Tech Savvy Ghost (And Demons)
Sometimes evil spirits possess more than tween girls.
Sometimes evil spirits possess more than tween girls.
Photo courtesy MGM | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
According to Hollywood, 79% of young girls will be possessed by a demon. Rarely does a demon try to enter the mind of a boy (The Omen, being one exception) or the body of a middle-aged guy who works at Home Depot. It’s almost always girls. (The new movie The Possession, for instance). That’s why we stand and applaud when a movie monster takes control of something weird and goofy. Here are the most tech savvy movie ghosts and demons.
The cherry red 1958 Plymouth Fury in this Stephen King adaptation is evil, homicidal, and as jealous as a nagging wife from the very moment she comes off the assembly line. She’s also the most iconic killer car on this list. It’s time for some new adventure of this old Christine. (We just did a thing there. Did you get it?)
The Car (1977)
1977’s The Car is your prototypical killer car movie. It’s cheesy. It’s influenced by Duel and Death Race 2000. And it’s got a mysterious 1977 Lincoln Continental Mark III roaming the streets of fictional Santa Ynez, Utah running over everyone in its path. It’s a little like what happens when you’re grandma goes for a drive after popping her little blue pills.
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
You’ll see Stephen King’s on this list several times because he clearly has an obsession with haunted technology. Maximum Overdrive is the only film King actually directed and it’s awesomely bad. The demon possesses a big rig called Happy Toyz with a huge Green Goblin mask on its front bumper. You’d think a demon would cause more mayhem had it possessed a tank, jet bomber or a Black Hawk helicopter. Even a Smart Car could be more terrifying. And that noise you hear is King firing up his typewriter and typing out, “Smart Cargh! Chapter One: Things Happen.”
One Missed Call (2008)
One Missed Call is about a possessed killer telephone call. Yes, the call itself is possessed. You do the math. It’s a remake of a superior Japanese horror film. Just like Forrest Gump.
Way back when, 976 phone numbers were all the rage. All sorts of companies had 976 numbers. Call them up and for a ridiculous fee you could have phone sex, hear your fortune or have more phone sex. This movie capitalized on the trend. Directed by Freddy Krueger himself (Robert Englund), in the film those who called the number were turned into monsters, or maybe they died. We don’t remember. “Hey, let’s try to call it now!” you just said to yourself. Tell us what you hear.
The Signal (2007)
This indie sci-fi thriller is about a mysterious signal that’s broadcast through all telecommunication devices and turns people into psychotic murderers. There’s probably rich subtext here about modern society’s dependence on cell phones. And it worked too. Now no one uses phones for verbal communication. Soon someone will make a movie about a killer text message or a killer app. Like Words With Friends, but your friend dies if you win. Hollywood, we hope you’re reading this. Think Casablanca meets Hackers!
Yet another Japanese horror film remake, Pulse, written by Wes Craven, tells the story of evil spirits getting clogged up inside your Interwebs. Kristen Bell has some Internety problems and ends up almost destroying the entire world. The very same thing happens if you click this link. You’ve been warned.
Break out your slide ruler because this one’s a doozy of a plotline: Anyone who views feardotcom.com dies within 48 hours from their worst personal fears. Why does this happen? Cause it’s possessed by the ghost of the first victim of brutal serial killer Alistair “The Doctor” Pratt. While the ghost wasn’t good enough to overtake the url “fear.com,” it does have some serious coding skills and has since been hired by Google to make “Google Huh.” It’s just like Google + but with squares and dodecahedrons added to the circles.
The Ring (2002)
If most horror movies are about a little girl possessed by a demon, then The Ring certainly ups the ante by having the demon girl use her evil to possess VHS tapes. And then the tape possess your mind. And then you die and look gross. The entire logic and story behind the little girl is confusing (either intentionally or because only jerks like us look for logic in a movie about killer tapes).
Long before David Cronenberg had his characters performing flesh-wound-intercourse in his 1996 film Crash, he had James Woods diving head first into the television in the supremely bizarre and surreal Videodrome. The flick is a weird classic that paved the way for Cronenberg to become the legend he is today.
Poor little Carol Anne gets sucked into the TV by some evil ghosts after become catatonically obsessed with the static and some creepy voices. We also get to see little Zelda Rubinstein strut her stuff as the spiritual medium Tangina who helps get the family back in shape – even if it means throwing tennis balls through space and getting covered in goopy red grossness.
De Lift (The Elevator) (1983) – An Elevator
This 1983 Dutch flick was remade in 2001 as a film called The Shaft. They’re both about a possessed elevator that kills anyone who hops aboard, but let’s focus on that remake title for a moment. The Shaft. Seriously? Yeah, this is getting us too sexed up. Let’s move on…
The Mangler (1995) – A Laundry Press/Machine
Another Stephen King story, The Mangler is the 1995 horror film directed by Tobe Hooper (who also directed Poltergeist) and starred Robert Englund (a few years before 976-EVIL). Oh, and we should mention it’s about a possessed laundry machine in Gartley’s Blue Ribbon Laundry Service. Not only will it press your clothes, but you’ll still be in them!
Graveyard Shift (1990) – A Textile Mill
More Stephen King! This time around it’s a ghostly abandoned textile mill that’s kills anyone who tries to clean up the mill’s rat-filled basement. It’s gruesome, gory and a total cheesefest. It did for textile mills what 976-EVIL did for phone sex lines. Absolutely nothing!