Other Things A-Rod Is Doing 20 Years Late

Rumor has it that Yankees third baseman-slash-future owner has been seen out with none other than Madonna (her reps are, naturally, busy denying this as we speak). Well, at least his timing at the plate is a little better…

Campaigning for Michael Dukakis

Playing Sega Genesis

Listening to a mix tape (“Oooh! That’s that new Keith Sweat jam!”)

Logging onto Prodigy

Tucking and rolling his Z. Cavaricci pants

Saying “Where’s the Beef?”

Growing an unironic mullet

Wearing white linen blazers with pastel T-shirts

Squirting people with Water Weenies