Moron Patriots Fans Sue the NFL Over Deflategate Citing Pain, Suffering, and Stress

What a bunch of airheads.


A group of aggrieved Patriots fans filed a lawsuit against the NFL on Tuesday over the league’s  handling of the deflategate controversy and the whole charade is so dumb it’ll make you wonder if NFL fans, not just players, are the ones suffering traumatic brain injuries.

The suit’s goal is to get the league to restore the first round pick stripped from the team because of the scandal. It argues that the penalty was based on “false premises and biased ‘investigations’ and untrue ‘facts’,” and accuses the league of some pretty serious crimes, including racketeering, fraud, and violations of state consumer protection laws.

But the most entertaining part of this suit, and the part that will eliminate any sympathy you might be feeling for the fans, is the emotional distress they say they’ve endured because of the lost draft pick. One man says his seven-year-old refuses to attend games because she now thinks the NFL is fixed. Another is angry about the cash he dropped on Sunday Ticket only to see his team mistreated.

The craziest one says that “the pain that I suffer through has caused me to be stressed out,” and claims he can no longer run his weekly betting pool “the way I want to.” When this man searches for the genesis of his stress, the reason for discontent, he goes back to the day the league took away the Pats’ draft pick. It was the day “my world would change forever,” said the man who is somehow able to function in the world.

As batshit as all that is, it’s a statement from the lawyer representing these fools that stands out as the most unbelievable sentiment in this fairy tale of victimization. 

Here’s Seth T. Carey comparing fans of an NFL team called the Patriots to the men and woman who fought for American independence: “Letting the powerful oppress us when we’ve done nothing wrong is about as un-American as it gets. That attitude is the polar opposite of what the real patriots fought and died for on the very ground that NFL owners sit while they rake in billions of dollars from us fans.”

h/t Boston Globe