Sign This Petition If You Want Asterisks Next to All the Patriots’ Wins

A salty Colts fans wants to take the Pats down a notch.

Die-hard Colts fan Jim Purucker wants to change NFL history and he needs your help. The Indianapolis-based lobbyist recently launched a petition that he hopes will pick up enough signatures to convince the NFL to add an asterisk to all of the Patriots achievements since 2002, including the team’s six Super Bowls. Why? Because they’re cheaters.

Purucker’s site is called FootballCheaters.com and it states its goal clearly: “We need your help so the NFL hears from their fans that we don’t want the Patriots cheating ways to fade away like Tom Brady’s punishment for deflategate did.” Instead, he’d like those “cheating ways” to live on in the form of a tiny typographical mark that looks like an anus. 

His campaign is called The Asterisk Project. 

Don’t want to sign? Purucker will gladly take your money instead. His GoFundMe page has already collected nearly $2,000 from other Pats haters. That leaves him only $4,998,000 to go before his meets his $5 million goal, which he’ll put toward “a nationwide campaign and petition drive.”

What a waste of time. The chance of Purucker reaching his fundraising goal is equal to the chance that the NFL would add an asterisk to its record books. Purucker could collect 100 million signatures and the league would ignore him. Largely because putting an asterisk on the Patriots’ championships would be an admission that one the league’s flagship franchises, owned by one of the commissioner’s best buddies, did wrong. That’ll never happen. 

Purucker would be better off using his time and money figuring out a way for his Colts to cheat their way to a Super Bowl. You know what they say in New England, if you can’t beat them, cheat them. 

Photos by Joe Robbins / Getty Images