PGA Sports Rant: August 15, 2011
Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about golf (Keegan Bradley), baseball (Albert Pujols!), and fantasy football.
Maxim: So what did you make of that Keegan Bradley’s finish at the PGAs?
Drew: WE ARE ALL KEEGANAIRES! That is one weird looking guy.
He looks like the guy in the porn movie who ruins the porn movie for you because he’s in the porn movie.
Drew: CRAZY EYES. He should be on the cover of Newsweek
Maxim: I don’t know if he’s that scary. I also can’t think of someone who choked so thoroughly, yet somehow won.
Drew: It’s always fun when someone like him wins a major and then everyone immediately says OH GOD GOLF IS FUCKED.
Like, NO time wasted on talking about Keegan Bradley.
Just right to, “HOLY SHIT IF TIGER KEEPS SUCKING THE WORLD WILL END.”
Maxim: My dad was there on Thursday, following Tiger. He said it was pretty painful.
Drew: I was shocked he didn’t claim an injury and bail. At least he missed the cut like a man.
Maxim: Well, since Rory McIlroy actually WAS injured, and played anyway, that would’ve looked pretty bad.
Drew: I’m sure he spent every hole on Friday trying to decide if he should quit or not.
Like I said before, he’s not winning a major again.
ONLY TWO MORE DECADES UNTIL I’M VINDICATED
I think he has no choice but to continue this joyless march to tie Nicklaus even though I think he probably doesn’t care about it as much as he used to.
Maxim: He does have a better shot at Nicklaus than Dan Uggla did at Dimaggio’s consecutive hits streak.
That must’ve been the streakiest streak ever.
Drew: 33’s not bad though.
What’s the proper number to hit before people start talking about Joe D if you’re on a hit streak?
Is it 30?
Maxim: I think so
Drew: I feel like once you hit 30, then suddenly people notice.
WHOA HEY 30, THAT’S KIND OF CLOSE TO 56!
Maxim: Except folks noticed Uggla earlier because he was only hitting .200.
By the way, you see who is leading the NL in homers?
Drew: Don’t tell me…
It’s Jon Olerud, isn’t it?
It’s probably not Jon Olerud
Maxim: It’s shockingly obvious.
Albert Fucking Pujols!
Drew: OH right!
Maxim: Have you started fantasy football yet? My draft is this weekend.
Drew: Not yet.
Oof. That’s gonna be a bloodbath.
Maxim: Last year my QBs were Aaron Rodgers and Michael Vick.
So there’s no where to go but down.
Drew: You didn’t trade one of them?
Maxim: I’m too sentimental. Which is a bad quality in fantasy
Drew: I have that problem too.
I DRAFTED HIM!
HE’S MY GUY!
Maxim: Exactly. Vick was too good to give up, and as a Packers fan I couldn’t give up A-Rod
Drew: Did you win your league?
Maxim: lost in the finals
Drew: That’s what you get for being a Packers fan
Maxim: well, I’d rather with the Super Bowl than my league
Drew: I suppose that’s true. Bastard.
Maxim: Speaking of Cheeseheads, I love this Brewers team.
Drew: Would you like to see The Good Land win a title?
Or does Bud Selig’s ties to them ruin it for you?
Maxim: My dad’s from Wisconsin, so that doesn’t bother me.
And I want to see how Nyjer Morgan reacts to winning in the postseason.
Drew: I live in DC, so I wish that Crazy Nyjer had been more out in the open during his time here.
Maxim: he’s turning into the Clinton Portis of baseball postgame interviews.
Drew: Baseball needs more guys like that.
I feel like the sport’s crazy people don’t get the proper overblown media coverage that crazy NFL and crazy NBA people get.
Maxim: What about the Beard?
Drew: Brian Wilson should be like, twice as famous as Matta World Peace.
Maxim: Have you watched the San Francisco Giants series on Showtime? The Franchise?
Drew: I haven’t but I heard it’s cool.
I like any show with athletes swearing.
Maxim: If you could pick any team from history to be featured in that type of series, who would it be?
I think it’d be the ’86 Mets or the Jimmy Johnson Cowboys for me.
Drew: ’86 Mets is hard to top.
Maybe one of those Reggie Jackson A’s teams, where they all hated each other’s guts
Or a Reggie and Billy Yankees team
Maxim: What about just following Joe Namath for a season?
Drew: It’s a rich subject. Oooh!
The Dream Team?
Jordan hazing Laettner?
Maxim: Yeah, that’s pretty great
Drew: The worst would be the 2007 Rockies.
WE LOVE GOD!