Pro Soccer Player Loses Pro Soccer Game Because He Doesn’t Know Pro Soccer Rules

Roy Miller has had a rough week.

Roy Miller has had a rough week. 

If New York Red Bulls fans weren’t calling for Roy Miller’s head before, they certainly are now. After a disappointing season-opening draw at Portland, the team was poised to take three points from Chris Wondolowski, last year’s MVP, and his San Jose Earthquakes. However, Roy Miller lost his mark in the second half and San Jose was able to equalize. Then things went from bad to insanely shitty.

In the 90th minute (that’s the last one, for you newbs), Roy Miller committed a blatant handball in the box that led to a penalty kick by Wondolowski. The Red Bulls keeper, Luis Robles, made a clutch save only to have it called back on encroachment (you aren’t allowed to go into the box before the ball is struck) on who else but Roy Miller. Wondo doesn’t typically blow it twice, and he buried the second attempt to put the Earthquakes up 2-1 for good.

This is just run-of-the-mill self-sabotage that Red Bulls fans have come to expect, until yesterday when Roy Miller announced that he made the blunder on purpose. Miller told, “I did it so that if [Wondolowski] made it, he would have to do it again and then he missed. I had the unfortunate luck that Luis saved the initial attempt.”

Not trusting your goalkeeper is one thing (and we’d guess Robles had some choice words for Miller), but the icing on the shit-cake is that even if Wondo had converted the first kick it still would have counted. It’s like if a defender commits pass interference on a touchdown, it’s still a touchdown. Miller sabotaged his own team completely based on his terrible understanding of the game he is paid to play. Coach Mike Petke refuses to put the loss squarely on Miller, but don’t worry, Roy; everybody else in the world does. 

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