Psychic Super Bowl Predictions!

Back in October we asked three seers for big game prognostications. Bet huge on these, folks!


Hilary Parry Tarot card reader,

Thomas John Clairvoyant,

Laura “Astrobabe” Astrologist,

Who’s going to win? 

Laura: I see the South rising again. I’m definitely getting a Southern area and something about horses. I also see the Patriots.

Thomas: I have a strong feeling that it’s going to be a team from the West. It’ll be the Broncos. 

Hilary: I pulled the Judgment card, which kind of has this Christian iconography about it. So I’m going with the Saints.

Who will be the MVP?

Hilary: I have the Nine of Wands coming up, and I have the Queen of Wands coming up. Because Wands are the suit of fire, the last name is something fiery. I feel like the first name is Michael. 

What color Gatorade will be poured on the winning coach? 

Hilary: I’m going to say regular yellow Gatorade, because we’ve got a classic here: a Ten of Pentacles and a Four of Cups reversed, and both of these images have a lot of yellow in them. 

What’s the weather going to be like?

Laura: It’s going to be sunny, a little breezy, maybe a little cooler than the 60s, but not too cold.

Will there be any technical difficulties like last year’s power outage? 

Hilary: I’m getting the Five of Pen­tacles, which is actually a scene with two people out in the snow, so I think that there’s going to be a bit of a kerfuffle with the cameras because of the snow. They may have to put some tarp over the field or have to wait around. There might be a little bit of a game delay. 

Who will the FCC fine this year for obscene behavior?

Thomas: It’s going to be more of a vulgar thing, not a nudity thing. Probably swearing or somebody flipping someone off. It looks like it might be a coach or a commentator.

What craziness will occur during the halftime show?

Thomas: I’m seeing vehicles for some reason. They’re going to drive cars or motorcycles out on the field. It’s definitely going to go down as one of the more elaborate halftime shows. There’s also going to be a surprise guest. It’s a contemporary female, but I also see an old guy.

What Super Bowl commercial will be the most talked about the next day? 

Laura: Something about an insurance company. It will involve animals or dogs trying to do something funny. Also, there’s a soft drink commercial that people are going to like. Maybe it’s Diet Coke.

Photos by Yuko Shimizu | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2014