Smurf-Cat Overkill: “Avatar” Is Getting Three Sequels!
Trilogies are done. We’re now entering the age of the quadrilogy.
Photo by 20th Century Fox Licensing/Everett Collection
Because 20th Century Fox and James Cameron really, really like money decided that the world of Avatar was too rich to cover in just a trilogy, it’s been announced that we’re now getting three sequels, to be released in December of 2016, 2017, and 2018. Screenwriters have already been attached, with Josh Friedman (War Of The Worlds), Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver (Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes), and Shane Salerno (The Savages) all helping Cameron to script his epic foray into the universe of half-naked, blue cat-people. The end result is sure to be entertaining, but as fans of Cameron’s other movies, we’re wondering if he might be able to combine them all into one cinematic universe, because, you know, that would be sweet. If that happens (and that will never, ever happen), here’s how we’d see those sequels playing out:
Avatar 2: The Abyssatar
The smurf-cats of Pandora are left homeless following the battle with the RDA over – sigh – unobtanium. In search of a new home, they explore the oceans, and find themselves coming face to face with a race of Disney-like underwater creatures. Everyone learns an important lesson about friendship and sharing, and then sings a song about the alphabet.
Avatar 3: The Avatarminator
In a bid to give the sinewy blue guys a credible enemy, Cameron brings back The Terminator in the form of a completely CGI Arnold Schwarzenegger. In a surprise twist, the Pandorans vote him to be their new Governor.
Avatar 3: Titavatarnic
In the epic finale, Jake and Neytiri decide to take a cruise through the choppy waters of a frigid ice planet. Inevitably, their boat sinks, leaving her floating on a door that’s clearly big enough for both of them while he freezes to death in the water. Celine Dion makes another zillion dollars with her theme song, “My Cat Will Go On.”