Sports Rant: June 20, 2011

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about this weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

Maxim chats with sports blogger Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber about this weekend’s athletic hits and misses.

maxim: Did you watch some golf this weekend?

bigdaddydrew: Not much, but I know the story is THE RORY!

He’ll win 75 majors!

And cure AIDS!

maxim: So I hear.

You can feel how desperate golf is to put Tiger behind them.

bigdaddydrew: Oh, yes.

I bet Tiger watched the tourney from Orlando with his leg propped up on an ottoman with his hand in a bag of Funyuns.


maxim: He was probably thinking, “Man, that kid’s gonna get so much pussy now.”

/single tear running down his cheek

bigdaddydrew: What I find interesting is that writing Tiger off a year ago would have gotten you relentlessly razzed (I know because I did), but now it’s pretty much conventional wisdom.

“Oh Tiger? Oh yes, he’s finished. MOVING ON.”

And you’re like WHOA, HEY.

maxim: Y’know, Tiger’s felt so over for me for so long that the comparison between the two didn’t even feel that staggering. I felt more like, “Oh, good. A new young kid for people to like.”

And I don’t watch a ton of golf, unless I’m trying to nap, but he does have a really beautiful, pure swing. You can tell he’s been untouched by all the coaches who’ll turn him into a golf-bot in a few years.

bigdaddydrew: It makes you realize that it’s really fucking stupid when people tell you, “We’ll never see the likes of him again” when they refer to a certain athlete.

Because you do.

Someone will again win double-digit majors.

Maybe not McIlroy, but someone will.

Someone hit 60 home runs clean again.

Someone not named LeBron will win six NBA titles.

There’s always a next generation, so don’t go telling me that certain things can’t ever be duplicated, because history routinely proves that wrong.

Records that don’t get broken are usually the result of new practices.

Hence Cy Young’s wins record.

But the athletes themselves? No, there are always more.

maxim: I have to believe that part of the overreaction to Rory is related to the LeBron bullshit, too. Like, here’s a nice young man who wins a huge title and is respectful, appropriately confident yet humble, etc., and it’s mere days after LeBron is telling us all that our lives are pathetic.

I think people are just so eager to embrace a “nice” athlete.

bigdaddydrew: AND IS WHITE!



maxim: And when he said he couldn’t wait to get back to Ireland to party with his friends? Aww, so cute!

I’m sure everyone would’ve reacted the same way if LeBron said he couldn’t wait to get to Vegas with his buddies.

bigdaddydrew: Yeah, no shit.

“Why, he’s off floozing in Vegas instead of working hard like a good young white athlete!”

Speaking of white people behaving badly, can we talk about these Vancouver riots for a second?

bigdaddydrew: Angry Canadians!

maxim: What is everyone so freaked oot aboot? Is it just that they’re Canadian? Is that why people are so shocked they rioted? At least they rioted because their team LOST.


bigdaddydrew: Sportswriters LOVE riots because it gives them a chance to be all IT’S JUST A GAME.

They love telling you how unimportant sports are, which is contrary to the very essence of their jobs.

And they love standing on a pedestal and lecturing everyone.



Look, it’s a riot.

People get drunk and act like retards.

But Martial Law isn’t coming to Canada.

Everything will go back to normal.

People are stupid and get swept up in the nuttiness of the moment.

But it’s not the fucking apocalypse.

maxim: Boston winning another title might be, though.


maxim: I’m happy for that Tim Thomas dude–the Kurt Warner of hockey–but Bostonites bragging about their titles for another goddamned year? Ugh.

bigdaddydrew: And the Red Sox are good so… blech.

maxim: I love btw that about five seconds after we were lamenting last week how sports was going to be so boring now, a bunch of shit happened. Jeter injured OH NO NEW YORK PEOPLE FREAK OUT WON’T HIT 3,000 AHHH!

bigdaddydrew: Yeah, something always happens. This week it’ll be Ralph Wilson and Mike Brown ruining the NFL for good.

maxim: Are they leading the owners’ negotiations?

bigdaddydrew: No, but the owners’ meetings this week will decide if the CBA goes through.

And if any owner bitches about it and derails it, it’ll be those two idiots.

maxim: But they’ve been sternly warned by the judge to handle this negotiation on their own…OR ELSE! Maybe they’re sufficiently spooked.

Hahaha no they’re not.

bigdaddydrew: Yeah, Murphy’s Law dictates they’ll fuck it all up.

maxim: Jerkfaces.

You watching you some Wimbledon today?

Women playing tennis, yay!

bigdaddydrew: Nah.

No strawberries in our fridge.