The Super Bowl is a rare instance in this often-divided country where everyone is in agreement—not because of our mutual love for the bone-crunching hits on the field, but because of the liver-shattering punishment we’re all committed to enduring on that fateful Sunday. Here at Maxim, helping you get–and stay–inebriated during the big game is our top priority. From the pre-game to the moment the confetti reigns down and one of the Har-brothers raises the Lombardi trophy, this is the Official Maxim Super Bowl XLVII Drinking Game. Bottoms up!
Photo: sjlocke / iStockPhoto | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013
-Drink 10 seconds if they show an aerial shot of the Super Dome.
-Finish your drink if there’s gumbo, Jambalaya, or a beignet on screen.
-Drink 15 seconds if they refer to Bill Cowher as “Coach.”
-Shotgun a beer if they call it the “Har Bowl” or "Super Baugh."
-Shotgun another beer if they mention Jack and Jackie Harbaugh “not taking sides.”
-Chug a whole beer if Alicia Keyes’ National Anthem goes longer than Beyonce’s 2:21 rendition at President Obama’s Inauguration.
-Take a shot if you’re already giddy that Jim Nantz is calling the game instead of Joe Buck.
-Take another shot if someone at your Super Bowl party mentions that Joe Flacco isn’t as good-looking as Tom Brady.
-Open a beer if someone mentions Colin Kaepernick’s tattoos.
-Finish that beer if you can convince the person next to you that “Kaepernicking” and “Tebowing” are just other terms for “masturbation.”
-Chug a beer if someone does the Ray Lewis dance after the Ravens score.
-Chug multiple beers if they analyze the 49ers “read option.”
-Take a shot if they mention that this is Ray Lewis’ last game.
-Venture into wino-ville if David Akers misses a kick.
-Drink 15-seconds if there is a god-awful Go Daddy commercial.
-Chug half a beer if they mention Michael Oher or The Blind Side.
-Open a new beer and drink if you’re more interested in the spinach dip than “all the single ladies” at your party.
-Take a shot if a special performer comes out.
-Offer someone a shot if they’re still talking about one of the commercials.
-Take a shot if the score is within 10 points.
-Crack open a beer if you imagine drawing penises on Jim Harbaugh’s face with that Sharpie around his neck.
-Venture back to wino-ville if Phil Simms says something that makes you question whether he needs help putting his pants on.
-Take multiple shots if they once again mention that this is Ray Lewis’ last game.
-Down the best beer you can get your hands on if the game is within three points.
-Take a shot if the Gatorade dumped on the winning coach is Red….or blue…or orange…or yellow….or clear.
-Shotgun a beer if Jim and John’s embrace at the end of the game goes on for more than three seconds.
-Shotgun another if Ray Lewis is down on his hands and knees.
-Chug a whole beer if the winning coach mentions that their city “has the best fans in the league.”
-Finish off all the liquor at the party if depression is already setting in that football season is over.