Thankfully, an Amish Mafia Does Exist

And it’s time to kick some non-Amish ass.

And it’s time to kick some non-Amish ass.

Perhaps you’ve heard of TLC’s series Breaking Amish—you know, the one about the sheltered Amies who take a break from butter churning for drug-induced orgies, incessant boozing, and exhibitionism? Yeah, they get wild when their bonnets come off.

Just kidding. (Althoughthat would be a good show). It’s more about subtle internal exploration while living in New York City blah blah blah. But for those of you who do enjoy watching grown men experience things for the first time that you’ve been doing your whole life, you’ll probably love Discovery channel’s new series, Amish Mafia

Yes, the Amish have a mafia. And they are complete badasses (they do push-ups and hit things with baseball bats…you’ve been warned).

The secretive, thug-like society will be streaming into living rooms across America this December, and they have a message to outsiders: Do not to mess with us, or our buggies. Completely untrusting of the U.S. government, the tight-knit Pennsylvania community is kept in check by Lebanon Levi, who aims to keep his people safe and on moral high-ground just like the rest of America does—with a big, bad shotgun. While it sounds slightly unbelievable, this guy’s back tattoo was enough to keep us in check, and we’re pretty sure he’s chopped off a few horse heads in his day.

So get out your bowler hats, cut off your electricity, get ready for a solid theme song, and keep a lookout for the premiere on December 12. Watch the trailer below.

Show me more TV shows.

Show me some Primetime Babes.