So you’re having a New Year’s Eve party! Good for you. What a novel way to bid adieu to the shit show that was 2016, and ring in a fantastic 2017, right?
New Year's parties are usually a pretty good time, but allow me to offer some tips to keep your party on point:
1. When in doubt, have another drink.
The key to having a successful New Year’s Eve party is to get lit like the Christmas tree you haven’t taken down yet. As you’ve definitely already noticed, everything is much more enjoyable when you’re a little drunk, be it on wine, whiskey, or in this case, some really good Champagne.
We suggest popping bottles all night long, or at least until all feels right in the world and everyone around you is beautiful. Because once you reach peak buzz, you’ll enter the new year feeling like you can take on all the horseshit 2017 will fling your way. And I think we all need that. (Bonus points if you use a badass saber to open those bottles of bubbly.)
2. Make out with someone at midnight. And after. And before.
Folklore has it that kissing on New Year’s Eve banishes the vices and evil spirits of the previous year and brings good fortune, which is why we have the tradition of kissing someone when the clock strikes twelve.
You should also know that English and German legends say that not kissing someone at midnight means you’ll be alone and bitter and perhaps end up adopting feral cats in the new year.
That said, feel free to kiss someone all night long. Don’t even come up for air. If all goes well, maybe even go home with them. It just may predict that you'll have a happy, prosperous new year full of beautiful women and no cats.
3. Set up a lavish dessert bar.
I'm not even kidding. A buffet chock-full of sweets will make your New Year’s Eve party that much more magical, because everyone loves dessert. (Particularly your female guests.) I suggest stocking a rich selection of cakes, cookies, and fruit tarts. A chocolate fountain is also pretty baller.
And to really whet your guests’ appetites, lay out a fabulous roll-your-own-joint station, just like you would a sundae bar. This special treat is sure to be a big hit! Pun definitely intended.
4. Set the mood with a killer playlist.
Start the evening with a fairly mellow tunes, and save that "PARTY YOUR ASS OFF" Spotify playlist for later. Ease into the night with a soundtrack that isn't immediately knocking everyone's dick in the dirt. But know that at some point you're going to want to throw on a mix that has people dancing in the living room, or you're not doing your job.
5. Most importantly: Go hard or go home.
Have fun out there, people, and Happy New Year!