Tom Brady is a Big Ol’ Dork

Great player. Handsome dude. But seriously, how uncool is the Pats QB?

Great player. Handsome dude. But seriously, how uncool is the Pats QB?

Photo by Joe Kohen/Getty

Let’s get a few things out of the way. Tom Brady is a terrific quarterback. One of the best in football history. Also…a really attractive specimen of the human race. Like, really, really ridiculously good-looking. He’s married to the world’s most successful super-model, has a bunch of cute kids, millions of dollars, a couple of MVP awards, and three Super Bowl rings. He’s like the Big Man on Campus, if the campus was all of America.

So it would be easy to be envious of the dude…except in reality, Tom Brady just seems really, really ridiculously uncool. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Brady is by all accounts a stand-up dude (that is, apart from allegedly ditching his uber hot baby-mama for an even hotter babe), his team-mates love him, yada, yada, yada. But just look at that photo from the 2000 NFL combine. It’s like he’s the nerdy girl in the high school rom-com who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and is immediately super foxy. Thing is, deep down, she’s still a nerd. And that seems to be the case with Tom Brady, from his strangely whiny, high-pitched voice, to his ridiculous series of ill-considered hair styles (see: The Bieber period) to the fact that his glamazon of a wife feels the need to jump to his defense when he comes up short in big games.

It wouldn’t be so annoying if Brady just embraced his dorkiness. After all, no-one is calling the Manning brothers cool, but they’ve exploited their dorkiness and made it part of their appeal. Brady, meanwhile, stars in commercials like this one:

If Peyton or Eli made this, they would undoubtedly be poking fun at themselves. Not so with Mr. Brady, which makes him even less cool. All that said, it’s hard to think of another guy we’d rather trade lives with.

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