Trailer Breakdown: “Guardians Of The Galaxy”

It’s that movie full of superheroes you’ve never heard of! Let’s see what we can figure out from the brand-new trailer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTZ2Tp9yXyM

It is truly astonishing that Marvel is making a movie of Guardians Of The Galaxy – a super-team that even many comic book fans are totally unfamiliar with – before DC can even get their shit together enough to make a Wonder Woman movie. Total nobodies vs. a globally recognizable icon, and the nobodies are winning! Insanity. But here we are, in these strange times, so let’s see what we can glean from the first trailer for Marvel’s next blockbuster.

SHOT 1

It’s the ever-likeable Chris Pratt (best known as Parks & Rec’s Andy Dwyer, and fresh off the phenomenally successful Lego Movie), as Star-Lord, a sort of disreputable space adventurer. So far, everything is awesome (sorry).

SHOT 2

Djimon Hounsou shows up to apprehend Pratt as he tries to steal some kind of glowing ball. He is playing a character called Korath the Pursuer, who is, apparently, an actual comic book character. Just to reiterate: Fucking Korath the Pursuer is going to be in a Hollywood movie before Wonder Woman. Good work, DC!

SHOT 3

John C. Reilly and Peter Serafinowicz arrive to give some much-needed exposition, along with some others who are all wearing a version of the uniform of the Nova Corps. The Nova Corps is Marvel’s version of the Green Lantern Corps, only somehow even more confusing and less well known. Still, Reilly is always a welcome sight, and for those only familiar with Serafinowicz from his many credits in British comedies (including Spaced and Shaun Of The Dead), don’t worry, he’s got space action credentials – he was, believe it or not, the voice of Darth Maul in The Phantom Menace.

SHOT 4

The Usual Suspects homage begins with Drax the Destroyer, played by WWE wrestler Dave Batista. He was pretty entertaining in last year’s sci-fi actioner Riddick, so hopefully this won’t be like watching Hulk Hogan gurn his way through Suburban Commando (full disclosure: Suburban Commando is actually awesome).

SHOT 5

Space credentials aren’t exactly a worry for Zoe Saldana, who’s currently also playing Uhura in the rebooted Star Trek franchise and Neytiri in about five million Avatar sequels. So here, she’s a deadly, super-smart space assassin…but will she ever be one of the people?

SHOT 6

Aaaand here’s where shit gets weird. This is Rocket Raccoon, who is, uh, a raccoon. A raccoon with a fondness for large guns and vehicle theft, apparently. He’s voiced in this movie by Bradley Cooper, because that’s obviously the first person that springs to mind when you think “garbage-raiding space-vermin.”

SHOT 7

And this is Groot. He’s a sort of tree-person, and he’s voiced by Vin Diesel. Don’t worry, though, he only ever says the same three words (“I am Groot”), so he should be much easier to understand than usual.

SHOT 8

The main thing we’re getting from this trailer so far is that, crazy cosmic adventure aside, it looks really, really fun. While The Avengers had noble superheroes earnestly (but for a few wisecracks) trying to save the Earth, this has a bunch of smartass space punks busting out of a prison, and being very silly in the process. It’s a really clever move on Marvel’s part – no one is going to take these guys seriously on their first outing, so giving them a more comedic movie is going to go a long way towards getting audiences interested.

SHOT 9

Well, we’ve been in weirder lines for the bathroom.

SHOT 10

Star-Lord carries an old-school Walkman, which kinda makes him the world’s first space-hipster.

SHOT 11

Happily, it seems like aliens know exactly what to do with hipsters.

SHOT 12

Star-Lord’s spaceship is a living being in the comics – no sign of that here, but maybe it was just too much weirdness to cram in all at once.

SHOT 13

Outer space meth labs are pretty intimidating.

SHOT 14

Rocket Raccoon and Groot, presumably in the middle of some kind of jail break. Either that, or it’s time for Groot’s annual pruning.

SHOT 15

Ladies.

SHOT 16

Gentlemen.

SHOT 17

Er…people who like big metal bird things.

SHOT 18

Sci-fi fans might just recognize former Doctor Who companion Amy Pond, aka, a very bald Karen Gillan. In this movie, she’s playing a vicious space pirate called Nebula, who we have also never heard of, but who appears in the comics to actually have hair. Looks like even the costume designer hates gingers.

SHOT 19

Those who stuck around for the post-credits scenes of Thor 2 will recognize Benicio Del Toro as the Collector, who, uh…collects stuff, we guess? Note to Marvel villain name-writers: As villainous names go, “Collector” is somewhere at the lower end of the “ominous” scale. Somewhere below “Tying Your Shoelaces Together Man” and “Captain Tells You It’s Strawberry Yogurt But It Turns Out To Be Raspberry,” in fact.

SHOT 20

Pew pew pew! Actually, we wouldn’t be surprised if “Pew Pew Pew” turns out to be the name of a character in this movie.

SHOT 21

Star-Lord, in his full mask, looking not even a little bit like a creepy pervert hiding in the ditch opposite your house.

SHOT 22

And there they are – the Guardians Of The Galaxy. Don’t you feel safer now?

SHOT 23

The funky music, the old-school, slightly goofy font – once again, this movie just looks like a big bowl of fun soup with large, meaty enjoyment chunks and an extra helping of “Yay!” croutons. Meanwhile, last year, Warner Brothers made a movie about Superman – that brightly-colored, ever-smiling bastion of goodwill and heroism – that was almost entirely grey, devoid of joy, and ended with Superman murdering a guy by snapping his neck and then crying about it. Wonder which one the public will end up enjoying more?

Check out Trailer Breakdown: A Million Ways To Die In The West, orTrailer Breakdown: Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes.