The trailer for Michael Bay’s latest mega-explode-a-thon, Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction (out June 27), aired on Entertainment Tonight last night, and several hours later, our strobe-induced seizures slowed down enough to let us actually take a look at the thing and try to figure out what the hell it’s actually about. Let’s take a look with a Maxim Trailer Breakdown!
It’s clearly a direct sequel to the previous movies, rather than a reboot, as this billboard references the utter destruction of Chicago at the end of the last movie. Either that, or it’s just reminding people in Texas that Chicago is a place that exists, which would be weird, but not outside the realm of possibility.
Mark Wahlberg tows what appears to be a very busted up Optimus Prime. Fans will notice that it’s a different truck than the one used in the first three films, making him look like he did in his classic toy/cartoon incarnation. THESE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT, PROBABLY.
Aaand it’s Wahlberg’s movie daughter, who, because this is a Michael Bay movie, walks around a Texan ranch dressed like an off-duty stripper. Hooray for consistency! The real question is, will she have those big, pouty lips that Bay demands of all his female stars?
HAHA JUST KIDDING OF COURSE SHE DOES. This is actress Nicola Peltz, who you can currently see starring in the apparently-pretty-decent Bates Motel, where she plays a character called…Bradley. Wait, really? Bradley? That’s a girl’s name now?
Suspecting it’s more than just a truck, Wahlberg attempts to zap a broken down, bullet-riddled Optimus back to life. Good to know that the economy hasn’t disrupted the production of Energon Cubes in the lower states.
“I think it’s a Transformer!” he yells. Was that…was that an electrician joke..?
Sunglasses and black clothes? Could these be bad guys? God, we wish this trailer wasn’t so subtle. Clearly the fact that people have relentlessly made fun of Bay’s homoerotic fetishizing of the armed forces has led to him just saying “Fuck it,” and having the dude in front just straight up point to his buddy’s crotch. “That? That’s mine.” Worryingly, we’re halfway through this thing now and still there hasn’t been a single -
…explosion. Never mind.
Once that barn explodes, the fireballs come thick and fast. Blam!
What’s this? Spaceships? Nice. How do you top spaceships?
Answer: You have them descend to squish a city!
And then disgorge another big robot!
THAT HAS A GUN FOR A FACE!
THAT MAKES THINGS EXPLODE! Wow. The guy with a muzzle for a muzzle is, by all accounts, Lockdown, a former Decepticon turned bounty hunter, who morphs into a 2013 Lamborghini Aventador LP700-4 Coupe. This is somehow still not as cool as just having a gun for a face.
Jesus, guys, trash the city all you want, but at least go easy on the boats!
OK, phew, at least this boat seems to be doing allrig-
Is this the most awkward run from an explosion ever filmed?
And more importantly, is this the single happiest robot ever filmed? We wish anything made us as happy as shooting stuff while parachuting into explosions made this guy. “This guy” being Autobot Crosshairs, whose alternate form is a 2014 C7 Corvette Stingray.
Good to see we’re still getting a healthy amount of product placement alongside our exploding robots.
Two-headed robot pteranodons: Because a robot pteranodon with just one head would be stupid.
This is Grimlock, a Transformer who turns into a Tyrannosaurus Rex, because the entire concept of them being robots “in disguise” went out the window within about five minutes. Grimlock’s a fan-favorite, and the shot of Optimus Prime riding him like a toothy horse that aired in the Super Bowl teaser trailer made some people very, very excited.
Of course, Optimus just cold back-handing him works, too.
And so we end the trailer on a shot of a robot dinosaur exploding. Really, any questions you have about this movie should be answered right there.