There's a lot of TV options to choose from. Too much for any one person to completely monitor, but that doesn't mean we're not going to do our best to sift through all the listings and figure out what you should be watching every week...with all the highlights, lowlights, and guilty pleasures you can stand.
Monday, April 11
9:00 p.m. "Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives" (Food Network)
Not to be mistaken with the "Porkapalooza" or "Pizza, Pork and Paprikash" episodes of "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives," the 11th season finale of the Food Network glutton-fest is heralded as "Porktastic." With visits to Indianapolis, San Antonio, and Denver, catch phrase-happy host Guy Fieri slide everything from a smoked tasso and boudin sausage to a Napoletana pizza with homemade sausage down his gullet.
Tuesday, April 12
9:00 p.m. "Deadliest Catch" (Discovery)
Maxim's own Dan Bova got chummy with the rough-and-tumble, seafaring guys of the reality mega-hit "Deadliest Catch", so we can't wait to see how two new captains bode with the Dutch Harbor crew at the height of 2010 king crab season. The two-hour premiere marks the start of seventh season of the series and the end of any hope of productive Tuesday nights.
10:30 p.m. "Sports Show with Norm MacDonald" (Comedy Central)
There may have been no one more dangerous behind the "Weekend Update" desk than Norm MacDonald. So, it's with the utmost excitement that the SNL alum is back on television to do what he does best: skewering the hell out of things with his biting wit. Instead of the news, the comedian will now take unapologetic potshots at the sports world in this brand-new series.
Wednesday, April 13
8:30 p.m. "Happy Endings" (ABC)
While the name may not exactly be what you'd hoped for (hey, it is prime time, after all) this new comedy more than makes up for it with its cast (Elisha Cuthbert! Repeat, Elisha Cuthbert!) and, unlike so many sitcoms, provides actual laughs. While the concept may sound familiar—a group of young, urban thirtysomethings are trying to navigate the trials and tribulations of relationships—it's still one of the funniest pilots we've seen since "Modern Family."
Friday, April 15
8:00 p.m. "Friday Night Lights" (NBC)
Unless you're one of the lucky bastards who has DirecTV (and so help us if you spoil anything), the fifth—and unfortunately—final season of the great "Friday Night Lights" starts now. With only 13 episodes left, it's time to start gearing up to say goodbye to the football-loving folk of Dillon, Texas. Clear eyes...full hearts....can't lose...shut up, you're the one who's crying!
Sunday, April 17
9:00 p.m. "Game of Thrones" (HBO)
We could tell you that this brand-new HBO medieval series is the long-awaited adaptation of George R.R. Martin's epic literary saga "Song of Ice and Fire." Or we could just tell you it features Peter Dinklage (and can't nobody mess with the Dink) and is chock full of extremely graphic scenes of sex and violence. Well played, HBO, yet again you've made our outrageous cable bills worth every penny.
We're On The Fence
Thursday, April 14
8:00 p.m. "The Paul Reiser Show" (NBC)
If you've been missing "Mad About You," we suppose this would be worth your while. Then again, if you've been missing "Mad About You" it's time to seriously reevaluate your life choices. Still, the series premiere of the Paul Reiser's latest sitcom falls between new episodes of can't-miss shows like "Community" and "The Office" and features a cameo from Larry David. And that guy is always prettt-ay, prettt-ay, prettt-ay good for a laugh.