Warning: All Your Favorite Meats Are Being Renamed!

You’ll be missed, pork chop.

You’ll be missed, pork chop.

Meat-eaters, take heed: just as everyone is gearing up for barbecue season, the folks over at The National Pork Board and the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association have identified the need to idiot-proof the packaging on their products. How? In what is either the most confusing or ingenious way possible: by revising more than 350 names of meat cuts.

Here’s an example of confusing: “Pork chop” will be no more. Instead, grocery stores will carry “porterhouse chops,” “ribeye chops,” and “New York chops.”

Here’s an example of genius: “Beef loin top sirloin cubes” will turn into “kabobs.”

And here’s an example of just plain bizarre: “Pork butt” (which actually comes from the shoulder and not from the rump at all) will be renamed “Boston roast.” Dear pork and beef industries: that does not make this cut any more approachable.

Along with the new names, the labels will also feature information about what part of the animal the meat actually came from (probably also to eliminate the butt-or-shoulder conundrum) and suggested preparation method, to help all the amateur grill masters out.

Now excuse us while we run to the nearest Safeway and stock up on pork chop labels. You never know how valuable those things may be one day.

Need more meat? Check out Chocolate Bacon and the 100 Ingredient Chili