We Predict the Plot for the Rumored The Cabin in the Woods 2

With pressure from Lionsgate to produce a The Cabin in the Woods follow-up, Maxim editors develop their very own sequel scenarios.

One of the best things to come out of 2012 was The Cabin in the Woods, the inside-out gorefest that set five archetypal horror movie characters loose in a mysterious forest along with enough ghouls and goblins to leave you sleeping with the light on for a very, very long time.

The film, directed by Drew Goddard, and co-written by Goddard and Joss Whedon, was pulled from a mealy MGM grave by Lionsgate after two years collecting dust. When Cabin finally made it onto the big screen, people were raving about a horror spectacle that was so unique and deliberate that audiences didn’t care how many times they’d seen it. No one even took notice that Thor was in a horror movie. It’s a horror movie unlike anything you’ve ever seen.

Now, with Goddard out promoting The Martian, it’s no surprise that Cabin in the Woods keeps coming up. What is surprising though, is the fact that Lionsgate is all hands-on-deck for a sequel, and they want it real soon.

“The studio wants to do it. They’ve come to us,” Goddard told Den of Geek in a recent interview. “The funny part is, I don’t think we planned that movie to do a sequel, you know? But that being said, the fun thing about Cabin is, the rules are pretty crazy. We get away with a lot of crazy stuff. So, I’m sure we could figure it out if we got inspired to. I know Joss and I both feel like we don’t want to tarnish what we did with the first one. With a sequel, we’d only do it if it made us laugh hard enough, I suppose.”

For those who remember, things end on a pretty bleak note, but never say never. But since it doesn’t seem like that’ll happen anytime soon, Maxim editors decided to lend Goddard a helping hand and come up with our potential plots for what would make for a sufficiently excellent Cabin in the Woods 2.

Jared KellerDeputy Editor

It’s sort of hard to predict the next one just by virtue of how the last one ended: with the Lovecraftian awakening of some monstrous force. Luckily, Goddard wrote in a subplot: that these ceremonies take place all over the world. Maybe it’s like Survivor. 

Anyway, my guess is that the next one is set in Japan, and Goddard’s going to incorporate some horrifying creatures from Japanese cinematic lore. Instead of the zombie family (I feel like zombies are a particularly American ghoul) we’ll get some undead kabuki bloodlust; instead of the stoner, it’s a Hikikomori (adolescent video-game obsessed shut-in). If Goddard loved Battle Royale as much as I did, chances are this may put even the self-aware meta-horrors of the original film to shame.

Sean Abrams Associate Editor

Now, since the original already went Evil Dead-esque and took us to a cabin, let’s shake things up and shift settings a little bit. Similar to my colleague’s brilliant idea, since Goddard gifted us with a subplot involving multiple sacrifices around the world, why not change the POV? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a good zombie killin‘, but when you put a Merman on the table, I want to see some aquatic action and I want to see it now. Set things on a boat, put those unknowingly smoking hot teens out to sea to fight for their lives, and behold a future box-office success. Oh, and I don’t care how, but you bring back Chris Hemsworth back. Nobody kills off Thor on my watch.

Kelly McClureWriter

I think the plot will revolve around something having to do with social media and hella killings. Kind of like The Purge, but with people who get rated by their SM presence. So like, if you have under 2,000 Twitter followers you get killed by a flock of ghosts. Call it, ‘Flock of Ghosts in the Woods.’

Gabriella PaiellaSenior Editor

Everyone dies.

Photos by Everett Collection