The midterms already shaping up to be a bummer. No matter which way you swing, you’re going to be disappointed by the results of this election. Pelosi could be gone. Boehner could be gone. Reid could be gone. McConnell could be gone. Rest assured that whichever pols you find palatable will lose while the ones you loathe win. Instead of watching the polls - older people are a fickle lot - we'll be watching Andrew Luck do Andrew Luck stuff to the New York Giants. There is a chance America might finally get the chance to see Tom Coughlin start weeping and rending his garments.
There’s a reason to remember the fifth of November and that reason is this: British people are pyros. Every Guy Fawkes Day the whole bloody country goes collectively rogue, which shouldn’t be a thing, and pretends they aren’t the exact sort of people who would allow 24/7 surveillance of, well, everything. We think of the bonfires and parties as remedial anarchy and endeavor to spend the day with some buddies from across the pond committing minor acts of insurgency like jaywalking. This year, the good citizens of Las Vegas will be marking the date with even more ceremony than usual. That’s because it’s Britney Day, a celebration of all things Spears. We’d like to be over it, but “Hit Me Baby” changed culture forever. Without Britney, we never would have had this bumper crop of pantsless chanteuses. It’s only right to give thanks and praise.
On television, it will be a choice between midterm results and the Adrian Peterson child abuse case, which is probably the best argument ever made for Netflix.
Time to watch the ol’ ESPN ticker. The Cubs have fired their manager and they clearly want Joe Maddon, who is a damn genius, to take over their perpetually failing franchise. With Theo Epstein and Maddon at Wrigley, America’s saddest/favorite team could maybe possibly conceivably achieve relevance. Wouldn’t that be something?
We’ll also be walking a few blocks out of our way to pass H&M, which will be releasing its buzzed-about collection from Alexander Wang. I think we can safely assume that all of the most beautiful women from our gym will be there to buy seasonally-appropriate leggings. Thanks Alex!
The best show on screens is ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,’ which features Jerry Seinfeld and his buddies making caffeine runs. It’s funny and the cars are amazing. Like every movie and every TV show, the first episode of the fifth season will feature Kevin Hart, who should be annoying by now but somehow isn’t. He's a naturally funny dude - especially when he's off script.
You know who probably shouldn’t improvise: a guy whose natural dickishness inspired a David Fincher movie. Nonetheless, Facebook CEO and future Batman villain Mark Zuckerberg will be hosting his first public Q+A on Facebook. He’s basically taken the Reddit AMA and co-opted it for empire-building purposes. Let’s just hope he’s hired Sorkin as a ghostwriter.
Samsung is launching it’s beautiful Gear S smart watch on Friday and we’re excited to see how it goes. The watch is practical and good-looking enough that it will serve as a bellwether for the future marketability of similar devices. Still, you have to turn it off when you go into a movie, which is exactly what we intend to do. The Better Angels, a new feature about Abraham Lincoln’s childhood, features Diane Kruger as… whatever, we don’t care. Diane Kruger is a talented actress and a teutonic babe and we’d watch her do the dishes (if she was ok with it).
Photos by Kurt Iswarienko / FX