A new reality show offers the answer to a question absolutely no one was asking.
Remember Ryan Lochte, that douchebag swimmer who insisted on wearing a diamond-studded grill during the Olympic medal ceremonies in London last summer? Well, E!—the television network that gave us such gems as Keeping Up with the Kardashians and Ice Loves CoCo—has just released its first full-length promo for What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, a new reality series that is poised to forever alter the world as we know it. Watch the teaser above, and try not to be distracted by wondering whether "watery brain" is a real medical condition.
What Would Ryan Lochte Do? premieres on April 21st. In the meantime, we've compiled a list of a few things you should know about Ryan Lochte:
1. Ryan Lochte's catchphrase is "Jeah!" and he has a vanity license plate to prove it. (Also, the birds in his neighborhood have trained themselves to hold it in until they fly over his car.)
2. In high school, Ryan Lochte was captain of the debate team, a star Mathlete, and a physics prodigy. Just kidding. He can't even count his own Olympic medals. Literally.
3. Ryan Lochte has his own branded sneakers. They say "Lochte" on the soles, "Jeah" on the back, and "Fucktard" on the forehead of anyone who wears them.
4. Ryan Lochte is the kind of guy who wears a T-shirt that says "Golf Sucks" while playing golf. Try to resist the urge to punch a hole through your TV.
5. Ryan Lochte has a piece of advice: "Don't duplicate; just recipitate." Fuck it; aim for his head.
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