Prepare for the death of your childhood.
The worst thing about being dead is that you can’t tell everyone what you meant with your weird filmmaking. Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining is a wonderful (and terrifying) movie that has troubled everyone from film scholars to conspiracy theorists as to its "true" meaning since it was released in 1970, and Stan (who died in 1999) never offered much insight on the subject. The excellent new documentary Room 237 explores a range of interpretations of the creep-fest, from legitimate film theory to the awesomely kooky notion that Kubrick helped fake the moon landing and The Shining is his confession. While these four movies may not all have the cultural sway of The Shining, they certainly aren’t lacking in the batshit-crazy theories department.
James Bond is Just a Code Name For Different Agents
The secret agent debuted over 50 years ago and must have one hell of a regimen, as he doesn’t look like he’s aged a day since. Fans of the series have been able to look past 007’s agelessness for some unknown reason. Oh wait, the reason is because James Bond is fucking awesome. But that seemingly wasn’t enough for some though, who have gone and developed a theory that “James Bond” is just a code name passed from agent to agent. This seems to let some fans (read: tight-asses) enjoy the movies more. We just like it because we can pretend that the Bond from Moonraker is just some schmuck we’ll never see again. BONUS THEORY: Sean Connery's character in The Rock is his Bond that was captured doing stuff that spies do (spying?) in the United States. Mind = blown.
Toy Story 3 is About The Holocaust
Often these theories are passed down like fragile little heirlooms of insanity, but this one has a clear origin. This article posits that the Pixar film is a thinly veiled interpretation of the Holocaust – citing Woody’s speech and its similarities to the movie The Pianist, as well as the fact that Buzz suggests hiding out in an attic. The author does this in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek manner; but luckily, the internet isn’t particularly adept at reading sarcasm and thus took it strictly at face value. Great job, internet.
Aladdin Takes Place In The Future
This one is slightly (ok, extremely) more whimsical than the last one, though it also involves a Disney movie. It comes from one single comment made by the Genie, who refers to Aladdin’s clothes as “so 3rd century.” This, combined with the fact that he also said that he’s been trapped inside the lamp with nothing but 3,596 spastic Robin Williams impressions for 10,000 years, means that the year the movie takes place cannot be earlier than 10300. All of the flying carpets and parrots that sound like comedians that peaked in the late 1980s are just marvels left over from some futuristic civilization. Of course, this could also have just been a joke – but then again – who the hell would make one of those in a light-hearted animated children’s movie?
Willy Wonka is a Cold-Blooded Killer
On first look, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is an imaginative fable meant to show children how it’s wrong to be greedy or fat or uh, enjoy chewing gum, I guess. However, once you look a little closer, you see that there is something far more sinister at play. The theory goes that Bill Wonka uses dead children in his candy, and the most damning evidence is that the Salvador Dali-esque nightmare boat ride and the soda-powered car both have exactly the right amount of seats for the people that are left, showing the candyman’s intent that the children would drop like flies. Hey Wonka: you’ve just been CSI’d, bitch.
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