Rumors (you know, those things that run on wheels to power the internets, in place of more expensive fuels like “facts” or “ideas”) are swirling that not only is Sylvester Stallone prepping a fifth return to the boots of ageless avenger John Rambo, but that this new movie will have the headbanded one chasing a genetic mutant through the jungle. OK, so the Rambo franchise was never totally realistic, but it at least kept to its basic real-world military roots for four movies—a leap to sci-fi is one of many red flags that signal “bad idea.” Sly, take note. Here are bad sequel ideas to avoid.
Back to the Future had a good thing going with its 1950s sci-fi meets 80s comedy mash-up. So why did the third one have to suddenly be a western? Just because you can travel to any point in history doesn’t mean you should.
Do the Same, Only Different
Déjà vu is a strong feeling that just can’t be ignored. Like, say, when you sit down to see Hostel II and you realize 10 minutes in, “Hey….waitaminute…this is exactly the same movie except with girls instead of guys.” Or worse, when you rent Bring it On: Fight to the Finish and realize, “Wait…this is just Bring it On: All or Nothing except instead of a rich girl becoming poor, a poor girl becomes rich!”
Replace the Lead
Oh, Matt McCoy. You will forever go down in movie history as “Not Guttenberg.” After swallowing his dignity for four movies, the Gutt just couldn’t muster up a fifth Police Academy. In steps McCoy as the new brash, sarcastic cop and the world…kinda barely noticed that that point. And don’t think we’re letting you off the hook either, Jason “Teen Wolf Too” Bateman.
Reduce the Rating
Reports are also claiming that Rambo V will be PG-13—because why try and top the gore of Rambo? It was only that movie’s sole saving grace after all. So Rambo V will be Live Free or Die Hard—a bloodless outing for a hero whose primary claim to fame is his ability to bleed for 2 hours without dying.
Start in the Middle
You almost had us, Leonard Part 6. Of course, judging from this installment, it was entirely plausible that we would black five entire movies out of our consciousness.
Be “American Pie”
The first time around, it was an amusing teen comedy. Now, this shallow well has been pumped so repeatedly and left so withered and dry, it’s co-starring in Sex and the City 2.