What’s In Your Mouth?

Maxim’s staff answers the age-old question with an epic taste test.

Lay’s recently asked us to “Do Them a Flavor” and help them choose their new flavor from the user-submitted finalists of Sriracha, Chicken and Waffles, and Cheesy Garlic Bread. Well, that got us thinking about wild chip flavors, which got us looking at chips, which had us eating a remarkable amount of chips. When we woke up from our nap/chip-coma, we decided to get all manner of insanely flavored things and have the brave and hungry staff of Maxim give us their thoughts and attempt to guess – “What’s In Your Mouth?”

Utz “The Crab Chip”


What It Tasted Like:



“Very salty, I’m confused.”


“Little bit of spice.”


“A bit like licking the bottom of an old grill.”

What They Thought It Was: BBQ chips, Ketchup chips, Cajun chips.

Ben & Jerry’s “Boston Cream Pie” ice cream


What It Tasted Like:



“Some sort of pudding or mousse.”


“Mmmm.”


“Cold.”

What They Thought It Was: French vanilla ice cream, cotton candy ice cream, Lucky Charms ice cream.

JIF Mocha Cappuccino Hazelnut Spread


What It Tasted Like:



“Tastes like orange-flavored stuff, but not an actual orange.”


“Gross.”

What They Thought It Was: Nutella, coffee, “some fudgy coffee thing.”

Snyder’s of Hanover “Bacon Cheddar Pretzel Pieces”


What It Tasted Like:



“Chex-mixy.”


“I get bacon, egg, and cream.”


“Artificial smoky flavor.”

What They Thought It Was: Combos, croutons, carbonara-flavored pretzel.

Lays “Chicken and Waffles” chips


What It Tasted Like:



“Chippy and vinegary.”


“French kissing a body builder’s armpit.”


“Sweet, tangy spice.”

What They Thought It Was: No idea, chicken and waffles (first correct guess!), “Whatever Old Bay is in Maryland.”

Triscuit “Red Bean” crackers


What It Tasted Like:



“Salty and grainy.”


“Vaguely like a Korean app.”


“I’m getting cheese and chives.”

What They Thought It Was: Parmesan Triscuits, Kimchee, “some fancy Triscuit guy.”

Ruffles “Beer Battered Onion Rings” chips


What It Tasted Like:



“Moldy cheese.”


“Salty and unpleasant.”


“Also, a bit like licking the bottom of an old grill.”

What They Thought It Was: Sour cream and cheddar Ruffles, beer-battered Ruffles (second correct guess!), “Don’t know, don’t want to.”

Extra “Rainbow Sherbet” gum


What It Tasted Like:



“Like citrus, detergent, dishwater.”


“Gum with citrus dust.”


“VERY sweet.”

What They Thought It Was: Blueberry gum, “Is it stripes?”, “some fancy, tropical bubble tape.”

“Mojito” Wine Coolers


What It Tasted Like:



“I just gurgled hand sanitizer.”


“Why does this taste like water?” (We gave him water.)


“Medicinal/minty?”

What They Thought It Was: “Weird mint Sprite or something,” baby wipes, Sprite

[pagebreak]

Lays “Sriracha” Potato Chips


What It Tasted Like:



“Like licking a hot ashtray.”


“Spice, without too much flavor.”


“Spicy?”

What They Thought It Was: Tabasco, hot BBQ chips, pork rinds

Calbee “Shrimp” Chips


What It Tasted Like:



“Shrimp-flavored crisp of some kind.”


“I believe these are seafood-related snacks for puppies.”


“Asian fish chips.”

What They Thought It Was: “Fish, in a bad way,” vegetable straws, “Nondescript seafood/sewage.”

Kettle “Fully Loaded Baked Potato” Chips


What It Tasted Like:



“A Whopper with cheese on a chip.”


“Flavor can’t match the crunch. Don’t know.” ….what?


“BBQ?”

What They Thought It Was: Popeye’s chicken, “Burnt fish and lemon,” pepper

Pringles “Pizza” Chips


What It Tasted Like:



“Tastes like dust bunnies and bird seed.”


“God-awful.”


“I have no idea, it was super weird.”

What They Thought It Was: Ketchup, “Some nasty spicy sweet Pringle,” Bombay mix

Lays “Cheesy Garlic Bread” Chips


What It Tasted Like:



“This is some Dean & Deluca shit.”


“I taste sadness. Fear and sadness. And sweat.”


“Ugly.”

What They Thought It Was: Balls, bleu cheese chips, ass-flavored chips

Planters “Five Alarm Chili” Dry Roasted Peanuts


What It Tasted Like:



“Licking the upside of an exhaust pipe. Probably…”


“Jalapenos.”


“Cozumel, Mexico.”

What They Thought It Was: “Some spicy peanut thing,” Cajun spice, cashews.

Garden of Eatin’ “Key Lime Jalapeno” Chips


What It Tasted Like:



“State Indian food.”


“Vomit.”


“A fiesta in my mouth.”

What They Thought It Was: Honey, mango chutney, bell peppers

Extra “Apple Pie” Gum


What It Tasted Like:



“Little gingerbread men.”


“Airplane food.”


“Arizona Tea in the green can.”

What They Thought It Was: Ginseng and honey, “Apple pie from a vending machine,” pineapple.

In conclusion, this was not at all fun. Do we regret it? Um, yes. In fact, we do. 

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