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ZOMG There Will Never Be More Twinkies

Steel yourselves: Hostess is going out of business.



We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: unionized labor in a post-globalized world creates a socioeconomic climate within which it is impossible to perform the necessary functions of capitalism. Also, LOL – teamsters. And thanks to a strike by the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union (pipe tobacco and English muffins? Yes, please), Hostess is applying for bankruptcy.

According to the company, Hostess offered the union a 25%  share in the business, with board representation plus compensation concessions. But that wasn’t good enough for those evil union bosses and their big cigars and…top hats? Look, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen a union busting political cartoon that features incomprehensibly labeled anthropomorphized animals and giant sacks with dollar symbols on them. Anyway, the horrible part is, the company will lay off 18,500 workers, close 33 bakeries, and shutter 565 distribution centers.

Hostess doesn’t just make Twinkies. Ding Dongs, Ring Dings, Ho Hos, Sno Balls, Bling Dongs, and Twinkie Dings (only some of which we invented) are all going down too. Oh, and say goodbye to Wonder Bread as well. Yes, the War on Your Childhood Continues.

Take me to non-bankrupt food.
Show me some girls.