If money can make the world go round, then it should most definitely be able to roll your lazy ass out of bed, too. The SnūzNLūz capitalizes on this idea by linking up with your bank account via Wi-Fi and donating money to an organization that you hate every time you hit the snooze button. If violating your morals can’t get you to forego the extra 9 minutes of shut-eye, then you’ve got a serious problem; it's going to be really difficult to reconcile all those donations to the Westboro Baptist Church when you still can't wake up on time.
Some of us place our alarm clocks in strategic locations across the room, but with muscle memory and repetitive action (that’s what she said!), even the most hungover sleeper can turn it off without much effort. That’s why this holy roller is so good for getting you up and at ‘em: after one free snooze (we aren’t complete monsters), Clocky will roll off your bedside table and scurry around the room, making a racket, scaring your pets, and eventually getting you out from under the covers to turn it off. Or just to throw it across the room. But either way, you're up!
Sonic Bomb with Super Shaker
This haymaker of an alarm clock hits 113 decibels - the volume of a jackhammer - in order to get you out of bed. Fast. In case screeching insanity isn’t enough, there is also a disk that you stow under the mattress that will shake you awake at the same time. Why do you need all this power? Just because your neighbors don’t want or need to be up doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be.
Wake N Shake
Want to avoid having to shell out for any new hardware? Well, there’s already a stubborn-sleeper aide in your iPhone’s app store. Wake N Shake does exactly what it sounds like: forces you to shake the crap out of it, according to a previously selected shaker intensity setting, before it will turn off. With a nap mode, as well as sleeping- and shaking-related achievements built in, you’ll never wake up not looking like a maniac again. Mission accomplished!
If your significant other is equally serious about getting their rest, frantically shaking your phone or submitting to an earth-shattering foghorn may not be the best option. Enter Lark, a vibrating bracelet designed to wake you up naturally and quietly. Lark pairs with an app on your smartphone to track your sleep as well as provide the all-important snooze functionality. Upgrade to pro and get some serious insights from sleep professionals about the way you sleep (although “passing out on the kitchen counter while wearing a Boba Fett costume” isn’t an option - we checked).
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School’s almost back in session, which means you should at least try to get up for class.