4 Better Ways to Spend the $1.1 Billion Yahoo is Paying for Tumblr

Hint: None of them involve cat gifs.

Hint: None of them involve cat gifs.

Yes, geocities replacement and .gif depository Tumblr just sold to Yahoo for $1.1 billion. Yahoo spent over a third of its on-hand cash in the acquisition. Tumblr’s earnings (not profit) in 2012? About $13 million. After consulting a math professor, carrying the seven, and shoving a graphing calculator up our rectum, we’ve determined that that comes out to roughly 84 years of operation before Yahoo maybe sees a return on its initial investment. Not bad! But if you’ve got $1.1 billion to spare, maybe there are better investments to make? Let’s find out!

Photographed by: John Lund/Getty Images

$1,100,000,000 Will Buy You: 1,111,111,111.11 Crispy Chicken Sandwiches From Wendy’s

That’s 422,222,222,222 calories worth of scrummy chicken product! That’s enough to feed 5,783,866 fried chicken-deprived people a 2,000 calorie diet consisting solely of crispy chicken sandwiches for an entire year. Hey, but this totally cures world hunger too.

$1,100,000,000 Will Buy You: 14 F-35 Lightnings

Over the lifespan of America’s next all-purpose fighter-bomber-killamajig, each plane will come out to around $78 million. That’s right – you could buy your own private air force for the price of a teenager’s version of philosophy as communicated through text overlaid on low quality .jpegs.

$1,100,000,000 Will Buy You: 300,546,448.087 Gallons of Gas

At the current national average of $3.66, you could prepare yourself for an inevitable Water World/Mad Max-style scenario. Will anorexia encouragement boards fuel your jet skis, or the twin-linked machine guns strapped to your heavily armored muscle cars? Probably not!

Orbital Sciences Corp

With a market cap of $1.1 billion, you could plunk the money down for publicly traded Orbital Sciences Corporation. What do they do? Make super Buck Rodgers-style space shit. What else do they do? Post quarterly revenues of $334 million. But, hey, if you really want a site primarily dedicated to cataloging Justin Bieber’s lap hog

Want more money? Check out the youngest female billionaire and the 5 Most Valuable Fictional Currencies.