5 Awesome Vacations (That Might Kill You)

If you’re worried about how you’re going to pay for an expensive vacation, try one of these trips: since you may not be coming back, you can forget the bill.

If you’re worried about how you’re going to pay for an expensive vacation, try one of these trips: since you may not be coming back, you can forget the bill.

1. Bungee Jumping Into A Volcano

Cost: $12,500


Do two wrongs really make a right? If so, you must try volcano bungee jumping. Sure, most people try to avoid jumping headfirst into the mouth of an active volcano – same way as most people try to avoid leaping out of a helicopter on the end of a rubber cord.

But if you combine the two? Well, pay off your life insurance, since you’ll make like a virgin sacrifice leaping from the skid of a helicopter toward the freaking maw to the gates of hell, after which, they won’t even reel you back in – yes, they actually travel the whole way back with your twitching, half-singed body dangling upside down the whole way.  The good news is that the odds are that you’ll survive. The bad news is that you’ll spend about what Russell Brand drops at the bar each night.

2. Ice Climbing In Canadian Rockies

Cost: $450

Photo by Tyler Stableford / Getty Images

To us, ice is for drinks, but for others there is ice climbing in the Canadian Rockies. Those who attempt to scale a massive frozen wall of white say they dig it since it’s cold, dangerous and a little painful. We’re… still waiting to see the attraction. Sure, it’s as beautiful as Brooklyn Decker (if Brooklyn Decker was a big mountain made of ice that we were trying to climb, which she actually was in a very weird dream we had last week), but the prospect of trying to scale that ice wall is as scary as having a dream where Brooklyn Decker is a big mountain made of ice that you’re trying to climb (that dream really freaked us out, okay?)

3. Driving The Nuerburgring, Nurberg, Germany

Cost: $130-$170 Euros, depending on the day.

Photo by AFP / Getty Images

It’s the most dangerous track in the world and anyone – even Randy Travis – is allowed to try their luck on the treacherous circuit. Why is it so hazardous to your health? Because it’s a public racecourse, so there are no rules and anything goes. It’s kind of like a party at Charlie Sheen’s house, but you’re moving at 180 mph (so, exactly like a party at Charlie Sheen’s house). You know it’s bad when the German’s call it ‘The Green Hell.’ Take their word for it: If there is one thing Germans know about, it’s hell.

4. Tackling Pillow Rock, Class V Rapids on the Upper Gauley, WV

Cost: $174 per person

Photo by Ihsanyildizli / Getty Images

There’s a reason why you sign a waiver regarding accidental death on the Upper Gauley river: You might not come back. Several people have met their maker while traversing the fierce rapid, Pillow Rock – a name which sounds cute until you’ve flipped out of your raft, got your foot pinned under a rock and are about to take your last breath. The odds are that won’t happen to you, if you keep your feet up when going down: You might just fall out of the raft, get sucked down a whirlpool, and spend your last seconds wondering why you decided to drown yourself.

5. Running Of The Bulls In Tamil, Nadu, India

Cost: Free (apart from your life, possibly)

Photo by Jagadeesh / Landov 

Yeah, everyone’s heard of that sissy running of the bulls event in Pamplona, Spain. But real men (and an array of mental defectives) go to India for the Running of the Bulls. It’s not just about avoiding a gory death: The object is to grab cash from the horns of the hard charging bulls, who will, obviously, try to impale you (picture Tom Arnold’s marriage to Roseanne Barr and you’re in the right ballpark). Of course, you can’t actually do any of this anymore, because PETA had the whole thing shut down. And while we’re sad that yet another way of culling the world’s idiots has been banned, we do support stopping pointless cruelty to animals (except wasps. Fuck those things!) And besides, we can never stay mad at PETA for long.