The Mile High Club is a prestigious organization of individuals who have achieved an ultimate goal. It’s a sought-after prize for good reason: the vibrations of the plane and lower oxygen levels can actually heighten arousal and deliver more intense orgasms. But much like a heist or bank robbery, it’s a tricky endeavor that requires stealthy planning to pull it off. Want to join the club? Study up.
1. Know the risks
First things first: joining the Mile High Club is not entirely legal, and the consequences can depend entirely on the mood of whoever catches you. Some flight attendants may just give you a slap on the wrist, while others might alert the captain, which means you may find authorities waiting for you at your destination. You face indecent exposure charges, or potentially interfering with the flight crew, which has a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison. But hey, with great risk comes great reward.
2. Mentally prepare
Get your head in the game before you get to the gate. This may rob the moment of some spontaneity, but deciding in advance that airborne relations are in your future will help you pull it off. Building anticipation can heighten the excitement, and also keep you from having a very obvious “Should we?/Shouldn’t we?” conversation in the crowded cabin. Approach this with the “Ocean’s 11”-level professionalism it deserves.
3. Timing is everything
Scope out your bathroom of choice; it should always be the one at the back of the plane, so other passengers aren’t facing your direction. The lady goes first. Wait for a moment when there’s no line, and send her in, keeping careful track of which one she entered. Make sure she locks the door. After five minutes, knock quietly but distinctly (use a secret knock!). So what if it sounds like a panty raid? That secret knock will ensure she doesn’t accidentally surprise another guy.
4. Dress for success
If ever there were a day to go commando, this is it. There’s a distinct dress code for getting it on mid-air. She should wear a skirt for easy access, you might consider sweatpants—or at least avoid button flies and belts. You’ll want as few barriers as possible between you and your bumpy ride.
5. Position yourself properly
There are really only two possible sexual positions. One involves putting down the toilet seat, sitting, and having her go to town reverse cowgirl style. The other has her propped up on the sink so she’s at waist-level and you're facing each other. If you’re germ-averse, this is your best bet. Time is of the essence here, so go ahead and embrace the quickie. Avoid leaning against the walls at all costs, even if it’s locked; you’ll have a harder time making excuses to the flight crew if the two of you come crashing through the door half-naked.
6. Have an escape strategy
Get off and get away with it. Like every heist, your tryst will need an escape route. In a perfect world, there’s no one waiting for the bathroom, and she can step out quickly so you can lock the door behind and join her a few minutes later. But we don’t live in a perfect world. As a back up plan, bring the air sickness bag in with you, so if you’re caught, you can assume the role of comforting partner. You were just checking on your sick girlfriend, okay?
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