The World’s Apparently Going to End Today
We put together some fun activities for your last hour of existence
An online religious group, The eBible Fellowship, believes there is “a strong likelihood” the world will end Wednesday, October 7, 2015.
According to the Guardian, the group bases this prediction on radio evangelist Harold Camping’s warnings that the world would end in May 2011. It seems Camping — whose time on our doomed big blue marble actually ended in 2013 — wasn’t exactly wrong, said eBible Fellowship’s Chris McCann. No, May 21 of 2011 “was declared to be ‘judgment day’ because it was actually the day God stopped the process of selecting which churchgoers will survive Wednesday’s massacre.” Uh oh.
The Guardian reported that McCann has determined that the Bible says “the world will be obliterated ‘with fire.'” He cited 2nd Peter, which says in part that the “heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.”
With these cheerful thoughts in mind, here are a few admittedly random suggestions of things to do really fast, just in case the eBible Fellowship folks are onto something (as opposed to on something).
Go ride a damned bear. Just do it. Yes, any bear you saddle up is unlikely to be as friendly and awesome as the bear in this video but still, you can die under the bear’s fangs and claws before the world is aflame, comforting yourself with the fact that even just for a moment, you rode a bear.
Find this machine and throw everything you can think of into it. We don’t even know the proper name of the machine featured in this viral video first posted the day after Harold Camping’s prediction of apocalypse failed to come through. Watching it devour all, however, soon becomes a meditative, almost peaceful experience, even with the ridiculous music.
Find all the drinks and drink them. Make all seven of these bourbon cocktails. Legally purchase—definitely don’t just smash-and-grab, just because the world is about to burn is no reason to abandon all law-abiding behavior—these five new whiskeys and share with friends, strangers, prophets, and guys riding bears.
If you have some booty to love, watch this tutorial and start your explorations. It’s never too late to really understand the finer details of butt stuff. Who wants to be that final lonely person who thinks, as the skies rain fire, ‘damn, I never really did anal?’
Grab the world’s first underwater jet pack and get the hell off dry land. Let’s say that since eBible Fellowship is convinced the world will end Wednesday with some horrific worldwide fire you think you see a way out—water, obviously. This isn’t in keeping with a list of fun stuff like bear-riding, drinking everything or a final exploration of anal’s true potential, but like James T. Kirk, we don’t necessarily believe in no-win scenarios. A jet pack under the water (with the requisite scuba gear) sounds like a pretty smooth way to live to fight another day.
Photos by U.S. Government/Wikimedia