With increasing age comes many wonderful things, including hard-learned wisdom, better sex, and cold, hard cash. But since life is a total bitch, aging also flings some serious horse shit our way, too, namely in the form of achy knees, the ‘dad bod,' and baldness. Oh, that darn male pattern baldness.
Statistics show that by the age of 35, around 66 percent of men lose a considerable amount of hair, and by 55, 85 percent of men have significant hair loss. And by significant hair loss, I mean bald, just like Mr. Clean.
Sure, having a gorgeous head of hair is a blessing, but hey, no shame in being a baldie. There’s no use fighting it if your hair is falling out. Plus, if you just shave off any remaining tufts of hair instead of combing it over like a dweeb, and just go for the clean bald look, think of all the time and money you’ll save! And not to mention how badass you’ll look.
And guess what? Going bald (or just shaving all your hair off) is actually one of the greatest things that can happen to you, because apparently, bald dudes are perceived as more intelligent, dominant, and overall sexier than men who have a full head of hair. Or so says Dr. Frank Muscarella from Barry University in Florida.
Interested in why baldness is still a thing, even though it’s seen as such a horribly negative thing, Muscarella set out on a noble quest to find out why the baldness trait hasn’t been bred out of humans yet.
In his study, Muscarella and his team asked participants to rate a selection of men in four domains: physical attractiveness, aggressiveness, appeasement, and social maturity, which included factors like honesty, intelligence, and social status.
Once he crunched the numbers, he found that generally, people perceive bald dudes as more honest, intelligent, and dominant, which are obviously all good things. However, there is one bit of bad news – baldness decreases perceived physical attractiveness just a touch, but no matter. The increase in the other domains cancels that out.
Besides, look at Jason Statham. He’s on the short side of the height spectrum and he’s bald, but he’s one of the sexiest dudes in Hollywood. Just look at how badass he is!
And he’s dating Rosie Huntington Whiteley! What a guy.
“It could be speculated that although the characteristic of baldness decreases a man’s perceived physical attractiveness, it increases his perceived social dominance,” Muscarella told Daily Mail.
“Studies have shown baldness in men is seen as a non-threatening form of social dominance. There is a large body of literature that shows that although women like physically attractive men, they are also very attracted to signs of high social dominance.”
“Consequently, it could now be explained how the characteristic was passed on. My speculation is that as humans evolved and the group became increasingly important for survival, males played a more integral role in the family group, and it may have been adaptive to evolve a morphological sign of this dominance-related role and one that made the adult males appear less threatening and more approachable to facilitate interactions with them.”
Well, damn. That’s what I like to hear. That said, if you’re struggling with the psychological trauma of hair loss, just remind yourself: Would you rather be a pretty boy with a head of hair? Or would you rather be a highly intelligent, sexy, dominant goddamn boss who everyone respects?
I think the answer is clear.