We recently stumbled across the most useful Tumblr known to man: How To Make Me Come. And it's exactly what it sounds like. Women across the world submit essays about what gets their engines running, and the results are incredibly varied. But that's precisely the point: no two women want the same thing in bed, and by getting this wildly detailed sneak peak into their psyches, you can arm yourself with the knowledge that'll make you absolutely invincible in the sack.
Start taking notes.
1. Be patient, it’s not going to happen right away
“You also got visibly bored, which made me tense in exactly the wrong way.” —Essay #71
If you make her feel like you’ve just flipped an hourglass and she’s got exactly 60 seconds to finish, it’s never going to happen. Good things cum to those who wait.
2. Stay put
“As I get ready to come, it’s important that you don’t change anything. If you move your hand or shift the direction of your stroking, I might lose the feeling. Please keep as you are. I’ll likely whisper, ‘Just like that. Just like that.’” —Essay #69
While guys often need to speed up the pace in order to finish, women sometimes need the same motion repeated over time. Get comfortable, you may be here awhile.
3. Honestly? Just give a shit.
“Caring whether or not a woman comes is a great way to make sure a woman comes. You’re way more likely to make something happen if it matters to you (eat lunch, fix the internet, run from forest fire) versus something that doesn’t.” —Essay #67
Pouring through these essays, this might have been the most frequently articulate concern. So take that for what it’s worth.
4. Penetration isn’t everything
“I can count on one hand the ladies I know who are able to cum vaginally without stimulating themselves at the same time.” —Essay #64
Encourage her to touch herself, take a break from fucking and taste her, whatever, but just p in v probably won’t cut it.
5. It’s not a dick. You can’t squeeze it.
“The more turned on This Girl gets, the more sensitive she will be down there. Slow is good. Deep is good.” —Essay #58
Keep in mind the absolutely mind-boggling amount of nerve-endings a lady has in her clit—8,000. If she asks you to ease off the pressure, do it.
6. Location, location, location
“The movement that feels good for guys doesn’t necessarily feel good for girls.” —Essay #52
In a cruel twist of fate, the woman’s pleasure-center is not internal. So “up and down” and “in and out” don’t feel nearly as good as grinding up against you.
7. It’s all about multi-tasking
“Use your mouth and hands/fingers simultaneously. That’s how the magic happens.” —Essay #51
8. Get turned on together
"I want you to suck on my clit, keep your fingers inside my pussy, and then stick a finger up my ass. That combination of sensations will make me come so hard. My favorite version of this is 69ing. If I get all of the above while sucking your dick, it will be even easier/quicker for me to come. " —Essay #44
Sometimes, we want exactly what you want.
9. Make her your top priority
“When we get to the bedroom, let’s make sure we’re alone (unless we’re having a threesome, in which case, fuck yea) and are able to communicate with both moans and words without your roommate playing N64 in the living room.” —Essay #46
Ed note: I have a strict “phones off” policy during sex, after an incident in college where we butt dialed a friend and treated her to a very loud show.
10. Leave the theatrics to the professionals
“It may not look like porn and that’s most definitely OK!” —Essay #45
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