Florida Senate Candidate Admits to Sacrificing Goat, Drinking Blood

Could you think of anyone better to represent Florida Man?

Most politicians would never admit to being blood-sucking leeches, even though they all are. Augustus Sol Invictus is not most politicians. 

A Libertarian Party member who’s been campaigning to represent Florida in the U.S. Senate, Invictus recently copped to sacrificing a goat to “the god of the wilderness” and drinking its blood. The ritualistic sacrifice came after he spent a week fasting while walking from Florida to the Mojave desert. “I know that’s probably a quibble in the mind of most Americans,” he told the Associated Press. 

It’s not the only thing about this guy most Americans would quibble with. A 32-year-old lawyer who changed his name to the Latin phrase meaning “majestic unconquered sun,” Invictus is scaring the hell out of Libertarians in his home state. The party chairman resigned to draw attention to his positions, including alleged neo-Nazism  and plans to a new civil war. 

“He is the absolute exact opposite of a Libertarian. He’s a self-proclaimed fascist. He’s promoting a second civil war,” former Libertarian Party gubernatorial candidate Adrian Wyllie told the AP. “It’s absolute insanity. We must explain to people this is the opposite of Libertarians. This guy has no place in the Libertarian Party.”

Ultimately, Invictus seems to know he’s got little shot at winning. “If not elected, I still think there is a purpose for all of this and that is to get a message out there,” he says. But maybe he should keep fighting. If there’s any place where a goat killing pagan could get elected to the country’s highest legislative body, it’s a state populated by millions of Florida Men.