6 Ways To Have The Best One-Night Stand

You’ll thank us later.


(Photo: Getty)

One of the many joys of adulthood is having casual sex. Sex with whoever you want, whenever you want. With no commitment! It’s magical.

You meet a pretty girl somewhere, likely a bar, you flirt a little, maybe get handsy when nobody is looking, and then go home with her for some no-strings-attached lovin’. And then wake up next to someone you can barely recognize. Yeah, casual sex is always a good time.

But you know what would be bad? If things don’t go as planned, and your super fun one-night stand goes downhill and becomes really not fun. That’s why we put together the ultimate guide to having the best one-night stand you could ever dream of, for your convenience. You’re welcome.

Don’t be too eager.
Before you take her home (or go back to her place) don’t act like the only thing you’re interested in is getting her naked, even though it is. Buy her a drink, talk about the weather, maybe get a snack. Pretend you enjoy listening to her go on about her dog. Be a gentleman, because it’ll turn her on, and you definitely want that.

Assess whether or not you two are sober enough.
Is she falling over and calling you “Ffrehhg” instead of “Greg?” She’s too drunk. Are you counting 4 boobs on her instead of 2? You’re too drunk. Hooking up with a rando is only fun if you can remember it, or else it might lead to some anxiety the next day about “Holy shit, what the hell happened last night?” Which leads us to our next point…

Use protection.
You might not give a shit about wrapping it up in your drunken stupor and just decide to hit it raw. No, no, my friend. Come morning, you will sorely regret that decision. Try not to get caught up in the moment, because it’s not worth the STDs and babies you’ll take on during those 15 minutes of pleasure.

Don’t forget the foreplay.
Foreplay is a must in any sexual encounter, and most of the time we don’t dedicate enough time to it. Don’t rush it, because foreplay can even be better than actual sex itself. Seriously. Touch her everywhere, whisper dirty things in her ear, and use your tongue for certain things other than kissing (hint hint).

Go down on her.
You know that most women can’t orgasm from P-in-V sex alone, right? So don’t skimp on the oral. Chances are she’s going to go down on you, so it’s only right to return the favor. Believe us when we say, women love it when you take a trip down south.

Say goodbye before breakfast.
Save for the rare occasion you end up really liking her in the morning light as well, you wouldn’t want her to stick around your apartment like a smell that lingers just a little too long, would you? Of course not. Politely hint that she should go home, because you “have a very busy day with lots of things to do. Bye now.”

Or if you’re at her place, you need to get the hell out of there before breakfast to avoid things getting messy. Just throw your clothes back on, shimmy out the door, and don’t look back.

Happy one-night stand-ing, everyone.