Automobiles are fantastic inventions that are very useful in getting you from point A to point B. But that’s not all they’re good for. They’re also very nice to have sex in, as any car-sex enthusiast would know.
A recent study found that around 60 percent of people have had car sex at some point in their lives, and the most common car-sex activity is good old-fashioned P-in-V sex, followed by blowjobs. Well done, folks. Road head is where it’s at.
But as nice as car sex is, it’s a little cramped in there, don’t you think? I mean, compared to a spacious bed, you don’t have much room to maneuver your body and hers, especially in vehicles of the smaller variety…but there’s a solution for everything.
Lifehacker came up with a spectacularly handy guide to car sex, and outlined ways to hook up in cars of every shape and size. And since hooking up in your car is a glorious affair, I've reiterated the entire guide right here, just for you.
Mid to full size sedans and coupes.
Since this car has a roomy backseat, the answer is easy: Just hop in the back if you want to get busy. You’ll be able to get into a variety of positions, although you might need to improvise and scrunch your legs a little. You may smack your head in the window a couple times, but that's a small price to pay for pleasure.
The best positions for these cars are doggy, sit-on-the-dick, cowgirl, and reverse cowgirl, as illustrated in the image above.
Compact to sub-compact 4 seaters.
Similar to a full-size sedan, the best spot to get naughty is in the back seat, but unfortunately, since these cars are juuust a little smaller than a full-size sedan, you’ll need to scrunch up pretty tight.
But that’s alright. If you’re horny enough, you won’t even notice.
The best positions for these cars are the same as mid to full-size sedans — doggy, sit-on-the-dick, cowgirl, and reverse cowgirl — but more squished.
Wagons, hearses, and wagons.
Ah, one of the best vehicles to fuck in. So wide and roomy, it’s basically like a bed – especially if you fold down the seats. But since it’s still a car, don’t forget that you won’t have much headroom.
The best positions for these cars are anything you can do laying down. But as I said before, don’t bounce up and down too aggressively, or else you’ll smack your pretty little head on the roof.
Vans, minivans, and enclosed trucks.
What’s up soccer moms and dads! This one is for you.
Another one of the best type of car to boink in, vans and minivans are basically a small house on wheels, so you can just hop in the back and get to business. Fold the seats down or keep ‘em up, it doesn’t really matter, considering how big these babies are.
And the best positions to fool around in? All of them, honestly. Woo! Get it, soccer moms.
Two-seater enclosed cars.
Here’s where you need to get a little craftier. Since two-seat cars are a lot tighter than, say, a minivan, your movements are going to be restricted, which isn’t ideal. But lucky for you, these cars are badass and sexy as fuck, so the tight space won’t even matter.
Unless you're dating a gymnast who can fold herself up into a pretzel, your options are essentially limited to her sitting on your dick like a chair. Still fun, though.
Convertibles, Roadsters, And Open Vehicles.
Convertibles are awesome because they resolve any issue of headroom space, because there's no roof. Isn't that great? But while taking car of that problem, it annihilates any illusion of privacy, again, because there's no roof, and the whole world can see you having sex.
But if you manage to park in a secluded area where no one can see you, you’re free to bang in any position you choose. Have her straddle you and go at it that way, or turn her around for some open-air doggy.
And since you’re already in private area, why not have sex on the car like in a Lana Del Rey music video? So hot.
Well, what are you waiting for? Now that you know how, go have some car sex!