How the Art of Dirty Talk Really Works

Talk is cheap. Unless that talk is downright filthy, sexy and fun. 

Whether it’s phone sex, sexting or part of your late night repertoire, dirty talk takes tact. You want to entice – not offend – your girl and there’s a fine line between the two. While we’ve covered things to absolutely never say during sex, here’s a few tips to help you balance fun and filth.

1. Do tell her she’s sexy – The most important part of dirty talk is making her feel comfortable, wanted and hot. Stroke her ego (while you’re stroking something else) and she will surely return the sentiment.

2. Don’t use derogatory words (unless she demands it) – Always aim for sexy, not insulting. If a word has a negative connotation outside of the bedroom, chances are it will make her feel uneasy between the sheets.  Calling her a whore or referring to her lady parts as a C.U.Next.Tuesday will likely lead to major coitus interruptus—and most likely a slap across the face. Pick a letter and spin again.

3. Do tell her you never want to stop – Reminding her there’s no place you’d rather be will make her feel both special and sexy. She’ll want to stick around for seconds.

4. Don’t be too quiet – She’s listened to her fair share of Jason Derulo and now she’s ready to pillow talk with the best of them. What must you do? Talk back. No one wants to hear crickets at the other end of a compliment. However…

5. Don’t talk too much – If you consider yourself a poet, think of dirty talk as a sweet, filthy haiku. She doesn’t want a bedtime story, she wants a couple of quips on how sexy she is, how good she feels and what you want to do to her. Once you find the balance between silence and soliloquy, she’ll be thankful you opened your mouth.

6. Do take control – If 50 Shades of Grey has taught us anything (other than it’s a good idea to Lysol the top of your Baby Grand), it’s that women enjoy a little domination in the bedroom. She wants to see your strong and confident side as you tell her what you want and how you want it. If it seems like you’re questioning yourself, she’ll likely question how and why she got herself into this situation.

7. Don’t be demeaning – Save the patronizing comments for the boardroom. If she’s doing something you don’t particularly like, suggest something else or move her into a different position (*see Dominance above). If she feels like a failure in bed, you can consider the night a bust (and not the good kind).

8. Do say her name – Show her you’re present and connected by saying her name in the heat of the moment. Make her feel special and she will make you feel like her king.

9. Don’t get scientific – We all know the proper and technical terms for our genitalia, however keep the words “penis” and “vagina” out of the bedroom. Neither term is all that sexy and she’ll appreciate your creativity if you do it right.

10. Do tell her how good she feels and tastes – While women love a compliment, telling her she’s hot over and over will eventually fall flat. Meanwhile, there’s nothing more intimate than telling a woman how amazing it feels to be inside of her, so speak up and watch what happens next.